Week 5

ThursdayTB 24 @ DAL 16

Sunday nightBAL 30 @ ATL 23

Monday nightBUF 37 @ LAR 34

The Mega Bowl Dispatch Flint, Michigan · Year Fourteen · Tuesday, after Monday night

Three Trailed into Monday Night. Three Won.

Bills 37, Rams 34 decided half the league. The McBride (Ben Dudash) trailed by 16.78 and won his first game of the season on Davante Adams. Buffalo!!!! (Daniel Martisofski) trailed by 23.86 and got 52.8 from three Bills. Remember The Tateans (Luke Uliana) trailed by 5.04 and got 27.32 from Matthew Stafford. Before any of that, LaPorta Potty Love (Sal Cicero) had already scored 137.0 by Sunday night, and finished at 166.20, the high score of the season.

Filed from the group chat

Week 5 came down to one game on Monday night. Six of our twelve teams had a starter in Bills at Rams, and three of the six games were still undecided when it kicked off. Hill Street Blues (Davis Martisofski), Iavana Humpalot (Devin Golden) and Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks (Joshua Smith) all went to bed Sunday night in the lead. None of them had a player left. All three lost. Ben needed 16.78 from Davante Adams and got 19.6. Dan needed 23.86 from three Bills and got 52.8. Luke needed 5.04 from Matthew Stafford and got 27.32.

LaPorta Potty Love (Sal Cicero) scored 166.20, the high score of the season by 17.34, and beat Taking out the Trash Panda (Lovell Bivins) by 84.50, the biggest margin of the season. Two weeks ago Sal was on the wrong end of the old record margin, 62.12 against Dan. He did this one with Jayden Daniels on the bench for 32.26. Gruden's Grinders (Brent Balga) got 39.46 from Drake Maye, the high starter of the week, the same quarterback this paper buried in Week 3. Dan is 5-0. Jeantyfication (Jeff Darcy) is 0-5 and is the last winless team in the league. Brotherly Shove (Sean Bilger) played the week without a kicker on the roster.

PayoutsThis week's money

High teamLaPorta Potty Love Sal Cicero · 166.20 points

High playerDrake Maye QB · NE · 39.46 · started by Brent Balga (Gruden's Grinders)

Two payouts every week: highest team score and highest single starter. Bench points do not count.

Money raceThru Week 5

Sal Cicero leads with 3 payouts. Every weekly payout won this season, ties split.

#	Manager	Payouts	High team	High player
1	Sal Cicero LaPorta Potty Love	3	2	1
2	Luke Uliana Remember The Tateans	2	2	0
2	Daniel Martisofski Buffalo!!!!	2	1	1
4	Brent Balga Gruden's Grinders	1	0	1
4	Joshua Smith Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks	1	0	1
4	Steven Cortright X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya	1	0	1

Still waiting on a payout: Ben Dudash, Davis Martisofski, Devin Golden, Jeff Darcy, Lovell Bivins, Sean Bilger.

Every week's winners

ScoreboardAll six

Sorted closest to widest. Winner on top; the running score shows who led after each window of games.

The McBride Ben Dudash 111.54

Hill Street Blues Davis Martisofski 108.72

Thu	Sun early	Sun late	SNF	MNF
0.0	59.0	91.9	91.9	111.5
1.9	62.9	84.8	108.7	108.7

Margin 2.82 · Left on bench 21.4 / 41.58

Buffalo!!!! Daniel Martisofski 130.68

Iavana Humpalot Devin Golden 114.44

Thu	Sun early	Sun late	SNF	MNF
0.0	66.2	77.9	77.9	130.7
12.6	57.1	81.2	101.7	114.4

Margin 16.24 · Left on bench 21.1 / 0.0

Remember The Tateans Luke Uliana 154.52

Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks Joshua Smith 132.24

Thu	Sun early	Sun late	SNF	MNF
0.0	117.3	127.2	127.2	154.5
11.2	103.3	132.2	132.2	132.2

Margin 22.28 · Left on bench 13.3 / 13.7

X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya Steven Cortright 130.44

Brotherly Shove Sean Bilger 87.38

Thu	Sun early	Sun late	SNF	MNF
23.5	95.2	130.4	130.4	130.4
0.0	42.3	87.4	87.4	87.4

Margin 43.06 · Left on bench 34.3 / 10.7

Gruden's Grinders Brent Balga 134.46

Jeantyfication Jeff Darcy 85.70

Thu	Sun early	Sun late	SNF	MNF
7.1	118.1	120.7	134.5	134.5
14.2	68.1	85.7	85.7	85.7

Margin 48.76 · Left on bench 22.5 / 19.5

LaPorta Potty Love Sal Cicero 166.20

Taking out the Trash Panda Lovell Bivins 81.70

Thu	Sun early	Sun late	SNF	MNF
30.5	58.0	137.0	137.0	166.2
5.1	28.8	47.0	65.1	81.7

Margin 84.50 · Left on bench 40.06 / 55.06

The swingsThree that turned

First win, Monday night

Final The McBride Ben Dudash 111.54

vsby 2.82

Final Hill Street Blues Davis Martisofski 108.72

Hill Street Blues (Davis Martisofski) led 1.9 to 0.0 after Thursday, which was CeeDee Lamb's entire night. Then Tyler Shough scored -0.16 at quarterback for The McBride (Ben Dudash) in the early window, against an ESPN projection of 16.5. Ben still put up 59.04 by 4 o'clock behind Spencer Shrader 21.3 and the Texans defense 15.0. Davis had 62.9, with Isaiah Likely 26.9 in the flex and Aaron Jones Sr. 17.2.

Trey McBride (17.1) and Christian McCaffrey (15.8) put Ben ahead 91.94 to 84.82 after the late games. Sunday night was Ravens at Falcons and Davis had two Ravens, Tyler Loop 13.3 and Zay Flowers 10.6. That was the end of the Davis roster, up 108.72 to 91.94, a 16.78 lead. Ben had one starter left, Davante Adams, in Bills at Rams. Adams scored 19.6. Ben won by 2.82, his first win of the season, with a quarterback who finished below zero.

Davis, the receipt. Jordan Love scored 25.28 on your bench while Bo Nix started for 7.92. That swap wins by 14.54. Ladd McConkey started at wide receiver with an ESPN projection of 0.0 and scored 0.0, for the second straight week, with Courtland Sutton (8.8) sitting. That swap wins by 5.98. A perfect lineup scores 136.48. Davis has left 93.8 points on the bench this season, the most in the league, and with the right card every week he would be 5-0. He is 3-2.

Buffalo, on Buffalo's night

Final Buffalo!!!! Daniel Martisofski 130.68

vsby 16.24

Final Iavana Humpalot Devin Golden 114.44

Iavana Humpalot (Devin Golden) led after Thursday on Dak Prescott's 12.64. Buffalo!!!! (Daniel Martisofski) took the early window behind Christian Watson's 29.3 and led 66.2 to 57.14 at 4 o'clock. Jameson Williams scored 17.7 in the late window and Devin went back ahead, 81.24 to 77.88. Derrick Henry scored 20.5 on Sunday night. Devin led 101.74 to 77.88 going into Monday.

Dan had three starters left and all three were Bills: Josh Allen, James Cook III and DJ Moore. Devin had two Bills of his own, Khalil Shakir and Dalton Kincaid. The Bills won 37 to 34. Allen scored 30.5 and Cook 22.3. Moore, projected 0.0 by ESPN, scored 0.0. Shakir scored 9.5 and Kincaid 3.2. Dan outscored Devin 52.8 to 12.7 on Monday night and won by 16.24. The team named Buffalo!!!! won on the Bills.

Devin, there is no receipt. A perfect lineup from your roster scores 114.44, which is exactly what you scored. It was the only perfect lineup in the league this week, and it lost by 16.24. Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce were on bye, Dak got the start, and Malik Washington held the flex at a 12.3 percent start rate for 9.1. Devin has now led after the Sunday late games three times this season and lost all three. He is 1-4. Dan is 5-0, the longest win streak of the season. The all-time record is 10, held by Davis Martisofski.

Fourth-best score, a loss

Final Remember The Tateans Luke Uliana 154.52

vsby 22.28

Final Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks Joshua Smith 132.24

Remember The Tateans (Luke Uliana) scored 117.3 in the early window: Jaylen Warren 33.8 in the flex, Tyler Warren 17.9, Ka'imi Fairbairn 17.9, Matthew Golden 17.3, D'Andre Swift 15.3. Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks (Joshua Smith) answered with 92.1 of his own, Parker Washington 27.4 and Braelon Allen 18.1 leading, and trailed 117.3 to 103.3 at 4 o'clock. The Cowboys defense had already scored -2.0 for Josh on Thursday.

Jared Goff scored 28.94 in the late window and Josh went ahead, 132.24 to 127.2. Amon-Ra St. Brown's 9.9 was Luke's only late answer. That was every starter Josh had. Luke had Matthew Stafford left for Monday and needed 5.04. Stafford scored 27.32. Luke won by 22.28.

Josh, this one is not on you. 132.24 is the most points scored in a loss this season and the fourth-highest score of the week; it beats eight of the other eleven teams. A perfect lineup scores 138.24 and still loses by 16.28. Josh has scored 590.06 points, fifth in the league, and is 1-4. Week by week against the whole league, he is 28-27. Luke has scored 667.38, the most in the league, and is 4-1.

The restThree that didn't

Final LaPorta Potty Love Sal Cicero 166.20

vsby 84.50

Final Taking out the Trash Panda Lovell Bivins 81.70

The high score of the season and the biggest margin of the season, and LaPorta Potty Love (Sal Cicero) led at every checkpoint. Bucky Irving scored 30.5 on Thursday night. The late window brought 79.0 from six starters, led by Jason Myers 25.0 at kicker, Mike Evans 22.8, Sam LaPorta 17.3 and the Seahawks defense 11.0. Puka Nacua added 29.2 on Monday night. Sal started Aaron Rodgers (22.0) at an 11.0 percent start rate with Jayden Daniels on the bench, and Daniels scored 32.26, so the record has room left in it: a perfect lineup scores 183.56. The 166.20 ranks 99th of 2,532 team-weeks in league history. Taking out the Trash Panda (Lovell Bivins) scored 81.70, the low of the week, with 55.06 on the bench. Lovell's three-game win streak is over.

Final Gruden's Grinders Brent Balga 134.46

vsby 48.76

Final Jeantyfication Jeff Darcy 85.70

Drake Maye scored 9.82, 8.02 and 3.76 in the first three weeks and this paper ran his obituary. He has scored 26.16 and 39.46 since. The 39.46 is the high starter of the week and the first payout for Gruden's Grinders (Brent Balga). Malik Nabers added 23.6 and the Jets defense 18.0, and Brent's early window produced 110.96, more than Jeantyfication (Jeff Darcy) scored all week. Jeff led 14.2 to 7.1 after Thursday on Emeka Egbuka. Joe Burrow scored 24.6, the fourth straight week he has gone up. Kyle Pitts Sr. scored 12.7 on the bench while T.J. Hockenson started for 1.2. A perfect lineup scores 100.50. Jeff is 0-5, the longest losing streak of the season.

Final X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya Steven Cortright 130.44

vsby 43.06

Final Brotherly Shove Sean Bilger 87.38

George Pickens scored 23.5 on Thursday night and X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya (Steven Cortright) never trailed. Jahmyr Gibbs scored 35.2 in the late window, the second-best start of the week, with Trevor Lawrence 21.74, Brock Bowers 19.0 and Will Reichard 16.9 behind him. Steve started Roman Wilson at a 9.4 percent start rate for 0.0, left Blake Corum's 14.7 on the bench, and won by 43.06. Brotherly Shove (Sean Bilger) started Jacoby Brissett (24.78) with Lamar Jackson on the bench at 0.0, which was right, and got 20.3 from Jaxon Smith-Njigba. He also played the week with no kicker. There is no kicker on the roster. Steve has won three straight after starting 0-2. Sean has lost two of three after starting 2-0.

ReceiptsLineup crimes

Every roster, every bench, every lineup card, checked against what a perfect lineup would have scored. Start rates are ESPN league-wide for Week 5.

Sean Bilger Brotherly Shove

Lost by 43.06 and played the week with no kicker on the roster. Every other team got at least 5.1 from the position. Jacoby Brissett (24.78) at quarterback with Lamar Jackson sitting at 0.0 was the right call, and so was MarShawn Lloyd (16.2) at a 15.0 percent start rate. Kenneth Walker III had the week off with the Chiefs. Colston Loveland got the tight end job back and scored 2.9. Sean has 8.2 points from the tight end slot in five weeks; Ben has 69.8. The Bears defense scored -2.0 in its first start for Sean. A perfect lineup scores 92.48 and loses by 37.96. Of the 23 starters who have scored zero or less this season, Sean started four.

Luke Uliana Remember The Tateans

Won by 22.28 with 154.52, the second-highest score of the week, 6.7 off perfect. Emanuel Wilson (12.2) sat at a 67.5 percent start rate while Chase Brown started for 5.5. That is the whole gap. Jaylen Warren scored 33.8 in the flex and Matthew Stafford 27.32 on Monday night, with Luke down 5.04. Kyle Monangai, 27.5 on the bench last week, scored 0.0. Luke has scored 667.38 points, the most in the league, and is 4-1.

Jeff Darcy Jeantyfication

Lost by 48.76 and is 0-5. Kyle Pitts Sr. started the first three weeks for 0.0, 2.0 and 1.0. He has been benched the last two weeks and scored 6.2 and 12.7. T.J. Hockenson started this week for 1.2. Keenan Allen finally got a start, in the flex at a 7.3 percent start rate, and scored 7.0. KC Concepcion started for 1.0. Chuba Hubbard had the week off with Carolina. Joe Burrow has gone up every week: 14.16, 16.18, 22.58, 23.72, 24.6. A perfect lineup scores 100.50 and loses by 33.96. Jeff has 456.44 points, the fewest in the league, 60.30 behind Devin.

Ben Dudash The McBride

Won by 2.82, first win of the season, with -0.16 from the quarterback slot. Jakobi Meyers finally started, two weeks after scoring 15.9 on the bench, and scored 4.7. Dontayvion Wicks went to the bench and scored 8.8. Tony Pollard scored 7.0, 11.6 and 12.0 on the bench in Weeks 2 through 4, started this week, and scored 5.2. Spencer Shrader kicked for 21.3 and the Texans defense scored 15.0. Josh Jacobs has been on the roster all five weeks and scored 0.0 in every one. Ben has had 648.12 points scored against him, the most in the league. A perfect lineup scores 119.04.

Lovell Bivins Taking out the Trash Panda

Lost by 84.50 with the low score of the week, 81.70, and the biggest bench in the league, 55.06. Lovell benched Calvin Ridley for the first time since Week 1 and Ridley scored 4.3. Mack Hollins kept his spot at wide receiver: injured reserve, projected 0.0, started by 0.21 percent of ESPN, the lowest start rate of any starter in this league this season. He scored 0.0. The Packers defense scored 19.0 on the bench at an 8.1 percent start rate while the Steelers defense started for 1.0. Brock Purdy (16.16) sat behind Jalen Hurts (13.0). Lovell has started the lower-scoring quarterback in three of five weeks. A perfect lineup scores 111.16 and loses by 55.04.

Steven Cortright X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya

Won by 43.06, a third straight win after an 0-2 start. Jahmyr Gibbs scored 35.2, his third game over 30 this season. Also left 28.50 on the table, the second-biggest gap in the league. Roman Wilson started at a 9.4 percent start rate and scored 0.0. David Montgomery scored 1.1 with Blake Corum (14.7) on the bench. A perfect lineup scores 158.94, which would have been the second-highest score of the week.

Daniel Martisofski Buffalo!!!!

Won by 16.24 after trailing by 23.86 going into Monday night. Is 5-0. Three Bills started on Monday and scored 52.8 between them. DJ Moore was one of the three, projected 0.0, and scored 0.0. Moore has scored 18.5, -0.1, 9.7, 2.2 and 0.0. Terry McLaurin (10.2) sat. Christian Watson scored 29.3 at a 76.2 percent start rate. A perfect lineup scores 143.98. No payout this week; Dan is tied for second in the money race with two.

Davis Martisofski Hill Street Blues

Lost by 2.82 after leading by 16.78 with nobody left to play. Jordan Love scored 25.28 on the bench while Bo Nix started for 7.92; that swap wins by 14.54. Ladd McConkey started at wide receiver, projected 0.0, and scored 0.0 for the second straight week, with Courtland Sutton (8.8) sitting; that swap wins by 5.98. CeeDee Lamb, started by 98.2 percent of ESPN, scored 1.9 on Thursday. Isaiah Likely scored 26.9 in the flex. A perfect lineup scores 136.48. Davis has left 93.8 on the bench this season, the most in the league.

Sal Cicero LaPorta Potty Love

Won by 84.50 with 166.20, the high score of the season and the biggest margin. Started Aaron Rodgers (22.0) at an 11.0 percent start rate, with Bryce Young on bye and Jayden Daniels on the bench for the third straight week. Daniels scored 32.26. RJ Harvey got his first start of the season, in the flex, and scored 0.7, one week after 14.3 on the bench. Jason Myers kicked for 25.0. Puka Nacua, benched in Weeks 2 and 3, has scored 23.2 and 29.2 since. A perfect lineup scores 183.56. Sal has the high team score two weeks running and leads the money race alone with three payouts.

Devin Golden Iavana Humpalot

Lost by 16.24 with the only perfect lineup in the league: a perfect card from this roster scores 114.44, and Devin scored 114.44. Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce were on bye. Dak Prescott started and scored 12.64. Malik Washington held the flex at a 12.3 percent start rate and scored 9.1. Saquon Barkley was on the bench at 0.0. Devin led after the late games and after Sunday night and lost to three Bills on Monday. That is the third time this season Devin has led after the late games and lost. 1-4, four straight losses.

Joshua Smith Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks

Lost by 22.28 with 132.24, the most points in a loss this season. Jared Goff scored 28.94 and Parker Washington 27.4. The Cowboys defense scored -2.0 on Thursday at a 39.5 percent start rate. Denzel Boston (12.1) sat for the fifth straight week; he has scored 12.9, 18.0, 7.1, 10.9 and 12.1 on the bench, 61.0 points without a start. Caleb Williams, 37.26 in Week 1, has been on the bench at 0.0 for three weeks. A perfect lineup scores 138.24 and still loses. 1-4 with the fifth-most points in the league.

Brent Balga Gruden's Grinders

Won by 48.76. Drake Maye scored 39.46, the high starter of the week, and Brent has his first payout of the season. The Week 3 obituary for Maye asked the family for a backup. Sam Darnold sat on the roster in Week 4 and was gone by Week 5, and Maye scored 26.16 and 39.46 in the meantime. Brent started three wide receivers at start rates of 1.9, 2.9 and 8.5 percent, Dohnte Meyers, Tre' Harris and Makai Lemon, and they scored 11.6 between them. The Jets defense scored 18.0. 2-3.

PointsMost to least

#	Team	Manager	Pts	Bench	Result
1	LaPorta Potty Love	Sal Cicero	166.20	40.06	W
2	Remember The Tateans	Luke Uliana	154.52	13.3	W
3	Gruden's Grinders	Brent Balga	134.46	22.5	W
4	Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks	Joshua Smith	132.24	13.7	L
5	Buffalo!!!!	Daniel Martisofski	130.68	21.1	W
6	X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya	Steven Cortright	130.44	34.3	W
7	Iavana Humpalot	Devin Golden	114.44	0.0	L
8	The McBride	Ben Dudash	111.54	21.4	W
9	Hill Street Blues	Davis Martisofski	108.72	41.58	L
10	Brotherly Shove	Sean Bilger	87.38	10.7	L
11	Jeantyfication	Jeff Darcy	85.70	19.5	L
12	Taking out the Trash Panda	Lovell Bivins	81.70	55.06	L

Honor rollTop starters

39.46Drake Maye QB · NEGruden's Grinders · Brent Balga
35.2Jahmyr Gibbs RB · DETX Gon' Gibbs It To Ya · Steven Cortright
33.8Jaylen Warren RB · PITRemember The Tateans · Luke Uliana
30.5Josh Allen QB · BUFBuffalo!!!! · Daniel Martisofski
30.5Bucky Irving RB · TBLaPorta Potty Love · Sal Cicero
29.3Christian Watson WR · GBBuffalo!!!! · Daniel Martisofski
29.2Puka Nacua WR · LARLaPorta Potty Love · Sal Cicero
28.94Jared Goff QB · DETJa'Marr Ja'Marr Binks · Joshua Smith
27.4Parker Washington WR · JAXJa'Marr Ja'Marr Binks · Joshua Smith
27.32Matthew Stafford QB · LARRemember The Tateans · Luke Uliana

Goose eggsWorst starters

Seven starters finished at zero or worse. Two were defenses, the Cowboys (-2.0) for Joshua Smith (Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks) and the Bears (-2.0) for Sean Bilger (Brotherly Shove). Tyler Shough (-0.16) for Ben Dudash (The McBride) was the only quarterback, and Ben won. Four wide receivers scored 0.0: Mack Hollins for Lovell Bivins (Taking out the Trash Panda), DJ Moore for Daniel Martisofski (Buffalo!!!!), Ladd McConkey for Davis Martisofski (Hill Street Blues) and Roman Wilson for Steven Cortright (X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya). ESPN's projection for Hollins, Moore and McConkey was 0.0. Sean's kicker slot also scored 0.0. It was empty.

-2.0Cowboys D/ST D/ST · DALJa'Marr Ja'Marr Binks · Joshua Smith
-2.0Bears D/ST D/ST · CHIBrotherly Shove · Sean Bilger
-0.16Tyler Shough QB · NOThe McBride · Ben Dudash
0.0Mack Hollins WR · NETaking out the Trash Panda · Lovell Bivins
0.0DJ Moore WR · BUFBuffalo!!!! · Daniel Martisofski
0.0Ladd McConkey WR · LACHill Street Blues · Davis Martisofski
0.0Roman Wilson WR · PITX Gon' Gibbs It To Ya · Steven Cortright
0.7RJ Harvey RB · DENLaPorta Potty Love · Sal Cicero

Bench of shameSat and scored

Points scored by players who were sitting down. Lovell Bivins (Taking out the Trash Panda) left 55.06 on the bench, the week's high, including the Packers defense at 19.0 and Brock Purdy at 16.16. Jayden Daniels's 32.26 for Sal Cicero (LaPorta Potty Love) is the biggest single number; it would have been the fourth-best start in the league. Jordan Love's 25.28 for Davis Martisofski (Hill Street Blues) is the one that cost a game.

32.26Jayden Daniels QB · WSHLaPorta Potty Love · Sal Cicero
25.28Jordan Love QB · GBHill Street Blues · Davis Martisofski
19.0Packers D/ST D/ST · GBTaking out the Trash Panda · Lovell Bivins
16.16Brock Purdy QB · SFTaking out the Trash Panda · Lovell Bivins
14.7Blake Corum RB · LARX Gon' Gibbs It To Ya · Steven Cortright
12.7Kyle Pitts Sr. TE · ATLJeantyfication · Jeff Darcy
12.2Emanuel Wilson RB · SEARemember The Tateans · Luke Uliana
12.1Denzel Boston WR · CLEJa'Marr Ja'Marr Binks · Joshua Smith

Next week

One team is 5-0, Buffalo!!!! (Daniel Martisofski), and one is 0-5, Jeantyfication (Jeff Darcy). Next week Dan plays Josh, Jeff plays Steve, and Sean plays Brent with or without a kicker. Week 6 kicks off Thursday, Seahawks at Broncos.

Source: ESPN league 924009, Week 5 box scores pulled 2026-10-13 after MNF final. Windows: Thu/Fri standalone games, Sunday early (1:00), Sunday late (4:05/4:25), SNF, MNF.