Vol. 14 · No. 8Flint, MichiganFree to the league

The Mega Bowl Dispatch

Week 8 edition · Flint, Michigan · Year Fourteen · Tuesday morning, after Monday night

Week 8 Daniel survived by 2.46 · Sean won by 50.98 · Daniel led the league with 140.46 After Monday night

This week

Buffalo!!!! def. X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya Daniel over Steven by 2.46 140.46 — 138.00 | margin 2.46

Remember The Tateans def. Gruden's Grinders Luke over Brent by 16.22, after trailing by 10.68 120.08 — 103.86 | margin 16.22

Iavana Humpalot def. The McBride Devin over Ben by 27.64, after trailing by 20.20 124.90 — 97.26 | margin 27.64

Jeantyfication def. Hill Street Blues Jeff over Davis by 31.76, after trailing by 0.12 109.38 — 77.62 | margin 31.76

Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks def. LaPorta Potty Love Joshua over Sal by 36.00 124.08 — 88.08 | margin 36.00

Brotherly Shove def. Taking out the Trash Panda Sean over Lovell by 50.98, after trailing by 12.00 129.20 — 78.22 | margin 50.98

Joe Burrow, 39.48, the week's high starter, for Jeantyfication (Jeff Darcy).

Filed from the box scores

Week 8 had a game decided by 2.46 and a game decided by 50.98. Nobody is unbeaten. Nobody is winless. The league averaged 110.93 a team.

Payouts: Buffalo!!!! (Daniel Martisofski) for the high team at 140.46, and Jeff for Joe Burrow at 39.48. The money race and every lineup crime are below; the editorial copy lands later today.

Standings

#	Team	W-L	Pts	Strk
1	Remember The TateansLuke Uliana	7-1	1019.1	▲ 4
2	Buffalo!!!!Daniel Martisofski	6-2	967.7	▲ 1
3	Brotherly ShoveSean Bilger	5-3	925.0	▲ 2
4	Hill Street BluesDavis Martisofski	5-3	876.1	▼ 1
5	X Gon' Gibbs It To YaSteven Cortright	4-4	949.6	▼ 1
6	Ja'Marr Ja'Marr BinksJoshua Smith	4-4	924.7	▲ 3
7	LaPorta Potty LoveSal Cicero	4-4	903.6	▼ 3
8	Gruden's GrindersBrent Balga	3-5	912.5	▼ 2
9	The McBrideBen Dudash	3-5	896.9	▼ 1
10	Taking out the Trash PandaLovell Bivins	3-5	808.2	▼ 4
11	Iavana HumpalotDevin Golden	2-6	824.9	▲ 1
12	JeantyficationJeff Darcy	2-6	774.7	▲ 1

The week in numbers

High score: 140.46 Buffalo!!!! (Daniel)
Low score: 77.62 Hill Street Blues (Davis)
Closest: 2.46 Buffalo!!!! over X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya
Blowout: 50.98 Brotherly Shove over Taking out the Trash Panda
League average: 110.93 all-time 112.39

Payouts

High teamBuffalo!!!!Daniel Martisofski140.46

High starterJoe BurrowQB · CIN · started by Jeff Darcy (Jeantyfication)39.48

Money race, thru week 8

Daniel Martisofski 3
Sal Cicero 3
Luke Uliana 2
Brent Balga 2
Jeff Darcy 2
Steven Cortright 2
Ben Dudash 1
Joshua Smith 1

Still waiting on a payout: Davis Martisofski, Devin Golden, Lovell Bivins, Sean Bilger.

Two payouts every week: highest team score and highest single starter. Bench points never count.

Honor roll

The week's highest-scoring starters, whichever lineup they were in.

Joe Burrow QB · CINJeantyfication · JeffProjected 22.939.48
Tee Higgins WR · CINBrotherly Shove · SeanProjected 13.032.5
Bhayshul Tuten RB · JAXGruden's Grinders · BrentProjected 13.428.9
Tony Pollard RB · TENThe McBride · BenProjected 13.827.2
D'Andre Swift RB · CHIRemember The Tateans · LukeProjected 13.126.9

Detention

The starters who missed their projection by the most.

Lamar Jackson QB · BALBrotherly Shove · SeanScored 0.0 of 22.2−22.2
Zay Flowers WR · BALHill Street Blues · DavisScored 0.0 of 16.7−16.7
Drake London WR · ATLTaking out the Trash Panda · LovellScored 1.3 of 14.8−13.5
Javonte Williams RB · DALJa'Marr Ja'Marr Binks · JoshuaScored 6.2 of 19.1−12.9
Jacoby Brissett QB · ARIThe McBride · BenScored 3.46 of 15.6−12.1

Bench of shame

Sat and scored. Points that never made it onto the card.

Tyler Allgeier RB · ARIX Gon' Gibbs It To Ya · Steven33.6
Kirk Cousins QB · LVJeantyfication · Jeff28.18
Patrick Mahomes QB · KCIavana Humpalot · Devin25.44
Emmett Johnson RB · KCBrotherly Shove · Sean22.8
Harold Fannin Jr. TE · CLEHill Street Blues · Davis18.4

How this week stacks up

Every score this week against all 2,568 team-weeks played in this league since 2013.

140.46Buffalo!!!! Daniel#347 all-time · top 13.5%

138.00X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya Steven#408 all-time · top 15.9%

129.20Brotherly Shove Sean#598 all-time · top 23.3%

124.90Iavana Humpalot Devin#732 all-time · top 28.5%

124.08Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks Joshua#764 all-time · top 29.8%

120.08Remember The Tateans Luke#887 all-time · top 34.5%

109.38Jeantyfication Jeff#1,306 all-time · top 50.9%

103.86Gruden's Grinders Brent#1,557 all-time · top 60.6%

97.26The McBride Ben#1,800 all-time · top 70.1%

88.08LaPorta Potty Love Sal#2,107 all-time · top 82.0%

78.22Taking out the Trash Panda Lovell#2,324 all-time · top 90.5%

77.62Hill Street Blues Davis#2,335 all-time · top 90.9%

Game stories

Trailed by 20.20 after Thu

Iavana HumpalotDevin Golden · 2-6124.90

def.by 27.64

The McBrideBen Dudash · 3-597.26

	Thu	Sun early	Sun late	SNF	MNF
Devin	0.0	91.3	113.0	124.9	124.9
Ben	20.2	80.3	86.6	86.6	97.3

Iavana Humpalot (Devin Golden) beat The McBride (Ben Dudash) 124.90 to 97.26, a margin of 27.64. Ben led 20.2 to 0.0 after Thu; Devin led 91.3 to 80.3 after the Sunday early; Devin led 113.0 to 86.6 after the Sunday late; Devin led 124.9 to 86.6 after Sunday night; Devin led 124.9 to 97.3 after Monday night.

Dak Prescott scored 19.8 for the winner, the best starter in the game. Tony Pollard scored 27.2 for Ben. Devin left 41.64 on the bench, Ben left 4.3.

Devin trailed by 20.20 after Thu and won anyway.

Trailed by 12.00 after Thu

Brotherly ShoveSean Bilger · 5-3129.20

def.by 50.98

Taking out the Trash PandaLovell Bivins · 3-578.22

	Thu	Sun early	Sun late	SNF	MNF
Sean	0.0	48.4	77.7	100.4	129.2
Lovell	12.0	33.6	60.7	60.7	78.2

Brotherly Shove (Sean Bilger) beat Taking out the Trash Panda (Lovell Bivins) 129.20 to 78.22, a margin of 50.98. Lovell led 12.0 to 0.0 after Thu; Sean led 48.4 to 33.6 after the Sunday early; Sean led 77.7 to 60.7 after the Sunday late; Sean led 100.4 to 60.7 after Sunday night; Sean led 129.2 to 78.2 after Monday night.

Tee Higgins scored 32.5 for the winner, the best starter in the game. Sam Darnold scored 17.52 for Lovell. Sean left 41.0 on the bench, Lovell left 17.9.

Sean trailed by 12.00 after Thu and won anyway.

Trailed by 10.68 after Sunday late

Remember The TateansLuke Uliana · 7-1120.08

def.by 16.22

Gruden's GrindersBrent Balga · 3-5103.86

	Thu	Sun early	Sun late	SNF	MNF
Luke	17.4	73.1	93.2	93.2	120.1
Brent	0.0	77.2	103.9	103.9	103.9

Remember The Tateans (Luke Uliana) beat Gruden's Grinders (Brent Balga) 120.08 to 103.86, a margin of 16.22. Luke led 17.4 to 0.0 after Thu; Brent led 77.2 to 73.1 after the Sunday early; Brent led 103.9 to 93.2 after the Sunday late; Brent led 103.9 to 93.2 after Sunday night; Luke led 120.1 to 103.9 after Monday night.

D'Andre Swift scored 26.9 for the winner, the best starter in the game. Bhayshul Tuten scored 28.9 for Brent. Luke left 4.4 on the bench, Brent left 19.5.

Luke trailed by 10.68 after the Sunday late and won anyway.

JeantyficationJeff Darcy · 2-6109.38

def.by 31.76

Hill Street BluesDavis Martisofski · 5-377.62

Jeantyfication (Jeff Darcy) beat Hill Street Blues (Davis Martisofski) 109.38 to 77.62, a margin of 31.76. Davis led 21.5 to 21.4 after Thu; Jeff led 96.3 to 48.6 after the Sunday early; Jeff led 106.5 to 64.6 after the Sunday late; Jeff led 109.4 to 77.6 after Sunday night; Jeff led 109.4 to 77.6 after Monday night.

Buffalo!!!!Daniel Martisofski · 6-2140.46

def.by 2.46

X Gon' Gibbs It To YaSteven Cortright · 4-4138.00

Buffalo!!!! (Daniel Martisofski) beat X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya (Steven Cortright) 140.46 to 138.00, a margin of 2.46. Daniel led 13.3 to 0.0 after Thu; Daniel led 133.6 to 107.4 after the Sunday early; Daniel led 140.5 to 120.7 after the Sunday late; Daniel led 140.5 to 122.9 after Sunday night; Daniel led 140.5 to 138.0 after Monday night.

Ja'Marr Ja'Marr BinksJoshua Smith · 4-4124.08

def.by 36.00

LaPorta Potty LoveSal Cicero · 4-488.08

Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks (Joshua Smith) beat LaPorta Potty Love (Sal Cicero) 124.08 to 88.08, a margin of 36.00. Joshua led 22.9 to 8.8 after Thu; Joshua led 87.8 to 37.1 after the Sunday early; Joshua led 98.8 to 71.4 after the Sunday late; Joshua led 110.1 to 86.4 after Sunday night; Joshua led 124.1 to 88.1 after Monday night.

Strange but true

Season-long oddities through week 8, straight from the box scores. Nobody wrote these; the lineups did.

Brotherly Shove (Sean) has 48.1 points from the tight end slot in 8 weeks, 6.0 a week. The league high is 117.4, The McBride (Ben).
The McBride (Ben) has 111.2 points from the quarterback slot in 8 weeks, 13.9 a week. The league high is 200.4, Buffalo!!!! (Daniel).
Jeantyfication (Jeff) has 46.0 points from the kicker slot in 8 weeks, 5.8 a week. The league high is 93.6, Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks (Joshua).
Brotherly Shove (Sean) has 25.0 points from the defense slot in 8 weeks, 3.1 a week. The league high is 72.0, Buffalo!!!! (Daniel).
17 of 48 games this season flip if the loser starts a perfect lineup. Hill Street Blues (Davis) is 5-3, and would be 7-1 with the right card every week.
Hill Street Blues (Davis) has left 140.3 points on the bench this season, the most in the league, 17.5 a week.
Gruden's Grinders (Brent) is 3-5, but 45-43 against the whole league week by week. Hill Street Blues (Davis) is 5-3 and 41-47 the same way.
The McBride (Ben) has had 978.20 points scored against it, 33.66 more than anyone else. Hill Street Blues (Davis) has faced the least, 855.20.
40 starters have scored zero or less this season. Brotherly Shove (Sean) has started 6 of them.
The least-started starter of the season is Mack Hollins, in the lineup for Taking out the Trash Panda (Lovell) in Week 5 at 0.2 percent of ESPN. He scored 0.0.
6 of 48 games have been decided by fewer than 5 points.
Iavana Humpalot (Devin) has led after the Sunday late games 4 times and won 1 of those.

If you had started the right guys

Team	Record	Perfect card	Everyone perfect	vs. the field	Left on bench
Remember The TateansLuke Uliana	7-1	8-0	8-0	66-22	85.2
Buffalo!!!!Daniel Martisofski	6-2	6-2	5-3	53-35	90.7
Brotherly ShoveSean Bilger	5-3	6-2	4-4	56-32	69.5
Hill Street BluesDavis Martisofski	5-3	7-1	5-3	41-47	140.3
X Gon' Gibbs It To YaSteven Cortright	4-4	6-2	5-3	53-35	118.7
LaPorta Potty LoveSal Cicero	4-4	5-3	5-3	44-44	104.5
Ja'Marr Ja'Marr BinksJoshua Smith	4-4	6-2	4-4	44-44	139.1
Taking out the Trash PandaLovell Bivins	3-5	5-3	3-5	27-61	112.0
Gruden's GrindersBrent Balga	3-5	4-4	3-5	45-43	76.3
The McBrideBen Dudash	3-5	4-4	2-6	44-44	105.3
Iavana HumpalotDevin Golden	2-6	4-4	2-6	34-54	87.2
JeantyficationJeff Darcy	2-6	4-4	2-6	21-67	108.1

Perfect card: your best possible lineup against what your opponent actually scored. vs. the field: your score against all eleven other teams, every week.

Position report card · points by slot

Team	QB	RB	WR	TE	FLEX	K	D/ST
Remember The TateansLuke	131.6	249.9	336.7	70.2	95.2	90.5	45.0
Buffalo!!!!Daniel	200.4	192.9	230.2	104.1	104.9	63.2	72.0
Brotherly ShoveSean	124.2	224.9	364.6	48.1	83.4	54.8	25.0
Hill Street BluesDavis	125.5	177.6	297.0	49.9	99.6	71.5	55.0
X Gon' Gibbs It To YaSteven	157.1	269.0	215.5	113.2	67.0	79.8	48.0
LaPorta Potty LoveSal	129.7	191.7	305.8	72.5	66.2	70.7	67.0
Ja'Marr Ja'Marr BinksJoshua	162.3	189.1	288.9	71.0	87.8	93.6	32.0
Taking out the Trash PandaLovell	133.0	267.2	167.7	48.1	61.1	71.1	60.0
Gruden's GrindersBrent	160.9	242.8	212.8	71.7	67.4	90.9	66.0
The McBrideBen	111.2	261.0	227.6	117.4	76.0	65.7	38.0
Iavana HumpalotDevin	143.3	184.4	226.7	70.7	83.6	62.2	54.0
JeantyficationJeff	188.1	125.2	215.5	55.4	118.5	46.0	26.0

Lowest in each column in red, highest in green. RB is two slots, WR three.

Power rankings

#1Remember The Tateans Luke Uliana · 7-1Beat Gruden's Grinders (Brent Balga), 120.08-103.86. D'Andre Swift led with 26.9.
#2Buffalo!!!! Daniel Martisofski · 6-2Beat X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya (Steven Cortright), 140.46-138.00. Josh Allen led with 26.56.
#3Brotherly Shove Sean Bilger · 5-3 · ▲ 3Beat Taking out the Trash Panda (Lovell Bivins), 129.20-78.22. Tee Higgins led with 32.5.
#4Hill Street Blues Davis Martisofski · 5-3 · ▼ 1Lost to Jeantyfication (Jeff Darcy), 77.62-109.38. Jordan Love led with 21.52.
#5X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya Steven Cortright · 4-4Lost to Buffalo!!!! (Daniel Martisofski), 138.00-140.46. Brock Bowers led with 24.7.
#6Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks Joshua Smith · 4-4 · ▲ 2Beat LaPorta Potty Love (Sal Cicero), 124.08-88.08. Ja'Marr Chase led with 25.6.
#7LaPorta Potty Love Sal Cicero · 4-4 · ▼ 3Lost to Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks (Joshua Smith), 88.08-124.08. Bucky Irving led with 21.0.
#8Gruden's Grinders Brent Balga · 3-5 · ▼ 1Lost to Remember The Tateans (Luke Uliana), 103.86-120.08. Bhayshul Tuten led with 28.9.
#9The McBride Ben Dudash · 3-5Lost to Iavana Humpalot (Devin Golden), 97.26-124.90. Tony Pollard led with 27.2.
#10Taking out the Trash Panda Lovell Bivins · 3-5Lost to Brotherly Shove (Sean Bilger), 78.22-129.20. Sam Darnold led with 17.52.
#11Iavana Humpalot Devin Golden · 2-6Beat The McBride (Ben Dudash), 124.90-97.26. Dak Prescott led with 19.8.
#12Jeantyfication Jeff Darcy · 2-6Beat Hill Street Blues (Davis Martisofski), 109.38-77.62. Joe Burrow led with 39.48.

Season record book

Highest score	166.20	LaPorta Potty Love (Sal Cicero) · wk 5All-time: 257.00, Joshua Smith, 2015 wk 13
Lowest score	61.68	Iavana Humpalot (Devin Golden) · wk 6All-time: 35.94, Jeff Darcy, 2021 wk 15
Biggest blowout	+84.50	LaPorta Potty Love over Taking out the Trash Panda · wk 5All-time: +120.14, Davis Martisofski over Ben Dudash, 2024 wk 11
Closest game	+0.30	Remember The Tateans over Brotherly Shove · wk 3All-time: +0.02, Joshua Smith over Davis Martisofski, 2017 wk 1
Highest combined	286.76	Remember The Tateans vs Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks · wk 5All-time: 491.00, mets946234 vs Joshua Smith, 2015 wk 13
Most points in a lossNew this week	138.00	X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya (Steven Cortright) · wk 8
Longest win streakNew this week	4	Remember The Tateans (Luke Uliana) · wk 8All-time: 10, Davis Martisofski
Longest losing streakNew this week	4	Taking out the Trash Panda (Lovell Bivins) · wk 8

All-time lines cover 13 completed seasons, 1,284 games, 2013–2026.

Next week's lines

Made up from ESPN's Week 9 projections. The Dispatch takes no bets.

Favorite	Spread	Underdog	O/U	Win prob.
LaPorta Potty LoveSal Cicero · proj 125.3	−27.0	Brotherly ShoveSean Bilger · proj 98.5	224.0	65%
Hill Street BluesDavis Martisofski · proj 110.0	−14.5	Gruden's GrindersBrent Balga · proj 95.6	205.5	59%
X Gon' Gibbs It To YaSteven Cortright · proj 124.5	−11.5	Taking out the Trash PandaLovell Bivins · proj 113.0	237.5	56%
The McBrideBen Dudash · proj 114.7	−6.5	JeantyficationJeff Darcy · proj 108.4	223.0	54%
Ja'Marr Ja'Marr BinksJoshua Smith · proj 111.2	−6.0	Iavana HumpalotDevin Golden · proj 105.2	216.5	53%
Buffalo!!!!Daniel Martisofski · proj 124.2	−1.0	Remember The TateansLuke Uliana · proj 123.3	247.5	50%

Week 9 opens with LaPorta Potty Love (Sal Cicero) favored by 27.0 over Brotherly Shove (Sean Bilger), the biggest line on the board. Buffalo!!!! and Remember The Tateans is the closest, 1.0.

Daniel Scores 140.46, Daniel Survives by 2.46