Vol. 14 · No. 7Flint, MichiganFree to the league

The Mega Bowl Dispatch

Week 7 edition · Flint, Michigan · Year Fourteen · Tuesday morning, after Monday night

Week 7 Davis survived by 4.68 · Luke won by 18.52 · Ben led the league with 128.92 After Monday night

This week

Hill Street Blues def. Iavana Humpalot Davis over Devin by 4.68 126.26 — 121.58 | margin 4.68

Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks def. Taking out the Trash Panda Joshua over Lovell by 5.20, after trailing by 2.70 102.02 — 96.82 | margin 5.20

X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya def. Gruden's Grinders Steven over Brent by 12.64, after trailing by 27.66 116.68 — 104.04 | margin 12.64

Brotherly Shove def. Buffalo!!!! Sean over Daniel by 12.92, after trailing by 21.58 102.90 — 89.98 | margin 12.92

The McBride def. LaPorta Potty Love Ben over Sal by 18.30 128.92 — 110.62 | margin 18.30

Remember The Tateans def. Jeantyfication Luke over Jeff by 18.52, after trailing by 16.38 115.70 — 97.18 | margin 18.52

Joe Burrow, 28.88, the week's high starter, for Jeantyfication (Jeff Darcy).

Filed from the box scores

Week 7 had a game decided by 4.68 and a game decided by 18.52. Nobody is unbeaten. Nobody is winless. The league averaged 109.39 a team.

Payouts: The McBride (Ben Dudash) for the high team at 128.92, and Jeff for Joe Burrow at 28.88. The money race and every lineup crime are below; the editorial copy lands later today.

Standings

#	Team	W-L	Pts	Strk
1	Remember The TateansLuke Uliana	6-1	899.1	▲ 3
2	Buffalo!!!!Daniel Martisofski	5-2	827.2	▼ 2
3	Hill Street BluesDavis Martisofski	5-2	798.5	▲ 2
4	LaPorta Potty LoveSal Cicero	4-3	815.6	▼ 2
5	X Gon' Gibbs It To YaSteven Cortright	4-3	811.6	▲ 1
6	Brotherly ShoveSean Bilger	4-3	795.8	▲ 1
7	Gruden's GrindersBrent Balga	3-4	808.7	▼ 1
8	Ja'Marr Ja'Marr BinksJoshua Smith	3-4	800.6	▲ 2
9	The McBrideBen Dudash	3-4	799.7	▲ 3
10	Taking out the Trash PandaLovell Bivins	3-4	730.0	▼ 3
11	Iavana HumpalotDevin Golden	1-6	700.0	▼ 6
12	JeantyficationJeff Darcy	1-6	665.3	▼ 1

The week in numbers

High score: 128.92 The McBride (Ben)
Low score: 89.98 Buffalo!!!! (Daniel)
Closest: 4.68 Hill Street Blues over Iavana Humpalot
Blowout: 18.52 Remember The Tateans over Jeantyfication
League average: 109.39 all-time 112.40

Payouts

High teamThe McBrideBen Dudash128.92

High starterJoe BurrowQB · CIN · started by Jeff Darcy (Jeantyfication)28.88

Money race, thru week 7

Sal Cicero 3
Luke Uliana 2
Brent Balga 2
Daniel Martisofski 2
Steven Cortright 2
Ben Dudash 1
Jeff Darcy 1
Joshua Smith 1

Still waiting on a payout: Davis Martisofski, Devin Golden, Lovell Bivins, Sean Bilger.

Two payouts every week: highest team score and highest single starter. Bench points never count.

Honor roll

The week's highest-scoring starters, whichever lineup they were in.

Joe Burrow QB · CINJeantyfication · JeffProjected 19.328.88
Drake Maye QB · NEGruden's Grinders · BrentProjected 20.627.44
Jaxon Smith-Njigba WR · SEABrotherly Shove · SeanProjected 16.326.8
Tee Higgins WR · CINBrotherly Shove · SeanProjected 11.623.8
Zay Flowers WR · BALHill Street Blues · DavisProjected 12.023.7

Detention

The starters who missed their projection by the most.

Nico Collins WR · HOUJa'Marr Ja'Marr Binks · JoshuaScored 1.6 of 14.0−12.4
Bryce Young QB · CARLaPorta Potty Love · SalScored 5.42 of 17.7−12.3
Derrick Henry RB · BALIavana Humpalot · DevinScored 5.4 of 17.4−12.0
Jalen Coker WR · CARJa'Marr Ja'Marr Binks · JoshuaScored 1.4 of 12.6−11.2
Dominic Zvada K · NYGBrotherly Shove · SeanScored 1.0 of 11.3−10.3

Bench of shame

Sat and scored. Points that never made it onto the card.

Tony Pollard RB · TENThe McBride · Ben35.0
Caleb Williams QB · CHIJa'Marr Ja'Marr Binks · Joshua22.12
Kirk Cousins QB · LVJeantyfication · Jeff20.4
Cam Skattebo RB · NYGJa'Marr Ja'Marr Binks · Joshua18.6
Emanuel Wilson RB · SEARemember The Tateans · Luke18.0

How this week stacks up

Every score this week against all 2,556 team-weeks played in this league since 2013.

128.92The McBride Ben#608 all-time · top 23.8%

126.26Hill Street Blues Davis#689 all-time · top 27.0%

121.58Iavana Humpalot Devin#830 all-time · top 32.5%

116.68X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya Steven#1,007 all-time · top 39.4%

115.70Remember The Tateans Luke#1,049 all-time · top 41.0%

110.62LaPorta Potty Love Sal#1,257 all-time · top 49.2%

104.04Gruden's Grinders Brent#1,538 all-time · top 60.2%

102.90Brotherly Shove Sean#1,584 all-time · top 62.0%

102.02Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks Joshua#1,616 all-time · top 63.2%

97.18Jeantyfication Jeff#1,799 all-time · top 70.4%

96.82Taking out the Trash Panda Lovell#1,820 all-time · top 71.2%

89.98Buffalo!!!! Daniel#2,045 all-time · top 80.0%

Game stories

Trailed by 27.66 after Sunday early

X Gon' Gibbs It To YaSteven Cortright · 4-3116.68

def.by 12.64

Gruden's GrindersBrent Balga · 3-4104.04

	Thu	Sun early	Sun late	SNF	MNF
Steven	21.7	61.3	103.0	103.0	116.7
Brent	27.4	88.9	104.0	104.0	104.0

X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya (Steven Cortright) beat Gruden's Grinders (Brent Balga) 116.68 to 104.04, a margin of 12.64. Brent led 27.4 to 21.7 after Thu; Brent led 88.9 to 61.3 after the Sunday early; Brent led 104.0 to 103.0 after the Sunday late; Brent led 104.0 to 103.0 after Sunday night; Steven led 116.7 to 104.0 after Monday night.

Geno Smith scored 23.48 for the winner, the best starter in the game. Drake Maye scored 27.44 for Brent. Steven left 6.4 on the bench, Brent left 12.3.

Steven trailed by 27.66 after the Sunday early and won anyway.

Trailed by 21.58 after Sunday late

Brotherly ShoveSean Bilger · 4-3102.90

def.by 12.92

Buffalo!!!!Daniel Martisofski · 5-289.98

	Thu	Sun early	Sun late	SNF	MNF
Sean	20.2	68.4	68.4	102.9	102.9
Daniel	7.6	73.2	90.0	90.0	90.0

Brotherly Shove (Sean Bilger) beat Buffalo!!!! (Daniel Martisofski) 102.90 to 89.98, a margin of 12.92. Sean led 20.2 to 7.6 after Thu; Daniel led 73.2 to 68.4 after the Sunday early; Daniel led 90.0 to 68.4 after the Sunday late; Sean led 102.9 to 90.0 after Sunday night; Sean led 102.9 to 90.0 after Monday night.

Jaxon Smith-Njigba scored 26.8 for the winner, the best starter in the game. Ollie Gordon II scored 16.8 for Daniel. Sean left 5.1 on the bench, Daniel left 1.2.

Sean trailed by 21.58 after the Sunday late and won anyway.

Trailed by 16.38 after Sunday early

Remember The TateansLuke Uliana · 6-1115.70

def.by 18.52

JeantyficationJeff Darcy · 1-697.18

	Thu	Sun early	Sun late	SNF	MNF
Luke	16.0	71.6	115.7	115.7	115.7
Jeff	3.3	88.0	88.0	91.0	97.2

Remember The Tateans (Luke Uliana) beat Jeantyfication (Jeff Darcy) 115.70 to 97.18, a margin of 18.52. Luke led 16.0 to 3.3 after Thu; Jeff led 88.0 to 71.6 after the Sunday early; Luke led 115.7 to 88.0 after the Sunday late; Luke led 115.7 to 91.0 after Sunday night; Luke led 115.7 to 97.2 after Monday night.

Amon-Ra St. Brown scored 19.7 for the winner, the best starter in the game. Joe Burrow scored 28.88 for Jeff. Luke left 28.0 on the bench, Jeff left 33.8.

Luke trailed by 16.38 after the Sunday early and won anyway.

Ja'Marr Ja'Marr BinksJoshua Smith · 3-4102.02

def.by 5.20

Taking out the Trash PandaLovell Bivins · 3-496.82

Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks (Joshua Smith) beat Taking out the Trash Panda (Lovell Bivins) 102.02 to 96.82, a margin of 5.20. Joshua led 50.7 to 49.9 after the Sunday early; Lovell led 82.1 to 81.5 after the Sunday late; Lovell led 83.2 to 80.5 after Sunday night; Joshua led 102.0 to 96.8 after Monday night.

Hill Street BluesDavis Martisofski · 5-2126.26

def.by 4.68

Iavana HumpalotDevin Golden · 1-6121.58

Hill Street Blues (Davis Martisofski) beat Iavana Humpalot (Devin Golden) 126.26 to 121.58, a margin of 4.68. Davis led 20.0 to 0.0 after Thu; Davis led 84.4 to 45.9 after the Sunday early; Davis led 104.4 to 77.8 after the Sunday late; Davis led 104.4 to 84.2 after Sunday night; Davis led 126.3 to 121.6 after Monday night.

The McBrideBen Dudash · 3-4128.92

def.by 18.30

LaPorta Potty LoveSal Cicero · 4-3110.62

The McBride (Ben Dudash) beat LaPorta Potty Love (Sal Cicero) 128.92 to 110.62, a margin of 18.30. Ben led 8.9 to 0.0 after Thu; Ben led 71.6 to 41.7 after the Sunday early; Ben led 128.9 to 93.6 after the Sunday late; Ben led 128.9 to 110.6 after Sunday night; Ben led 128.9 to 110.6 after Monday night.

Strange but true

Season-long oddities through week 7, straight from the box scores. Nobody wrote these; the lineups did.

Brotherly Shove (Sean) has 40.1 points from the tight end slot in 7 weeks, 5.7 a week. The league high is 100.7, The McBride (Ben).
Hill Street Blues (Davis) has 104.0 points from the quarterback slot in 7 weeks, 14.9 a week. The league high is 173.8, Buffalo!!!! (Daniel).
Brotherly Shove (Sean) has 38.9 points from the kicker slot in 7 weeks, 5.6 a week. The league high is 85.9, Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks (Joshua).
Brotherly Shove (Sean) has 11.0 points from the defense slot in 7 weeks, 1.6 a week. The league high is 67.0, Buffalo!!!! (Daniel).
16 of 42 games this season flip if the loser starts a perfect lineup. Hill Street Blues (Davis) is 5-2, and would be 7-0 with the right card every week.
Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks (Joshua) has left 123.3 points on the bench this season, the most in the league, 17.6 a week.
Iavana Humpalot (Devin) is 1-6, but 26-51 against the whole league week by week. Hill Street Blues (Davis) is 5-2 and 41-36 the same way.
The McBride (Ben) has had 853.30 points scored against it, 10.54 more than anyone else. Buffalo!!!! (Daniel) has faced the least, 726.84.
34 starters have scored zero or less this season. Brotherly Shove (Sean) has started 5 of them.
The least-started starter of the season is Mack Hollins, in the lineup for Taking out the Trash Panda (Lovell) in Week 5 at 0.2 percent of ESPN. He scored 0.0.
5 of 42 games have been decided by fewer than 5 points.
Iavana Humpalot (Devin) has led after the Sunday late games 3 times and won 0 of those.

If you had started the right guys

Team	Record	Perfect card	Everyone perfect	vs. the field	Left on bench
Remember The TateansLuke Uliana	6-1	7-0	7-0	60-17	85.2
Buffalo!!!!Daniel Martisofski	5-2	5-2	5-2	42-35	90.7
Hill Street BluesDavis Martisofski	5-2	7-0	5-2	41-36	115.8
Brotherly ShoveSean Bilger	4-3	5-2	3-4	47-30	48.9
X Gon' Gibbs It To YaSteven Cortright	4-3	5-2	4-3	43-34	85.4
LaPorta Potty LoveSal Cicero	4-3	5-2	5-2	42-35	93.9
Taking out the Trash PandaLovell Bivins	3-4	5-2	3-4	26-51	98.3
Gruden's GrindersBrent Balga	3-4	4-3	3-4	41-36	64.4
Ja'Marr Ja'Marr BinksJoshua Smith	3-4	5-2	3-4	37-40	123.3
The McBrideBen Dudash	3-4	4-3	2-5	41-36	102.8
Iavana HumpalotDevin Golden	1-6	3-4	1-6	26-51	78.6
JeantyficationJeff Darcy	1-6	3-4	1-6	16-61	88.4

Perfect card: your best possible lineup against what your opponent actually scored. vs. the field: your score against all eleven other teams, every week.

Position report card · points by slot

Team	QB	RB	WR	TE	FLEX	K	D/ST
Remember The TateansLuke	123.4	202.2	307.4	66.4	83.1	80.6	36.0
Buffalo!!!!Daniel	173.8	168.9	182.5	87.5	90.3	57.2	67.0
Hill Street BluesDavis	104.0	154.1	287.7	45.4	88.0	65.3	54.0
Brotherly ShoveSean	124.2	210.7	302.6	40.1	68.3	38.9	11.0
X Gon' Gibbs It To YaSteven	137.7	231.9	181.9	88.5	64.8	79.8	27.0
LaPorta Potty LoveSal	114.8	168.4	277.5	67.5	51.4	70.0	66.0
Taking out the Trash PandaLovell	115.5	250.1	153.0	45.2	59.8	58.4	48.0
Gruden's GrindersBrent	138.5	206.3	193.0	65.2	64.0	77.7	64.0
Ja'Marr Ja'Marr BinksJoshua	148.3	160.6	251.6	56.7	76.5	85.9	21.0
The McBrideBen	107.8	232.0	209.7	100.7	48.8	64.7	36.0
Iavana HumpalotDevin	123.5	159.5	187.9	61.5	77.7	51.9	38.0
JeantyficationJeff	148.6	100.1	195.6	53.8	104.7	39.5	23.0

Lowest in each column in red, highest in green. RB is two slots, WR three.

Power rankings

#1Remember The Tateans Luke Uliana · 6-1Beat Jeantyfication (Jeff Darcy), 115.70-97.18. Amon-Ra St. Brown led with 19.7.
#2Buffalo!!!! Daniel Martisofski · 5-2Lost to Brotherly Shove (Sean Bilger), 89.98-102.90. Ollie Gordon II led with 16.8.
#3Hill Street Blues Davis Martisofski · 5-2 · ▲ 1Beat Iavana Humpalot (Devin Golden), 126.26-121.58. Zay Flowers led with 23.7.
#4LaPorta Potty Love Sal Cicero · 4-3 · ▼ 1Lost to The McBride (Ben Dudash), 110.62-128.92. Bucky Irving led with 23.5.
#5X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya Steven Cortright · 4-3 · ▲ 1Beat Gruden's Grinders (Brent Balga), 116.68-104.04. Geno Smith led with 23.48.
#6Brotherly Shove Sean Bilger · 4-3 · ▲ 1Beat Buffalo!!!! (Daniel Martisofski), 102.90-89.98. Jaxon Smith-Njigba led with 26.8.
#7Gruden's Grinders Brent Balga · 3-4 · ▼ 2Lost to X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya (Steven Cortright), 104.04-116.68. Drake Maye led with 27.44.
#8Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks Joshua Smith · 3-4 · ▲ 1Beat Taking out the Trash Panda (Lovell Bivins), 102.02-96.82. Javonte Williams led with 21.5.
#9The McBride Ben Dudash · 3-4 · ▲ 1Beat LaPorta Potty Love (Sal Cicero), 128.92-110.62. Trey McBride led with 22.1.
#10Taking out the Trash Panda Lovell Bivins · 3-4 · ▼ 2Lost to Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks (Joshua Smith), 96.82-102.02. Jonathan Taylor led with 18.0.
#11Iavana Humpalot Devin Golden · 1-6Lost to Hill Street Blues (Davis Martisofski), 121.58-126.26. Jameson Williams led with 23.6.
#12Jeantyfication Jeff Darcy · 1-6Lost to Remember The Tateans (Luke Uliana), 97.18-115.70. Joe Burrow led with 28.88.

Season record book

Highest score	166.20	LaPorta Potty Love (Sal Cicero) · wk 5All-time: 257.00, Joshua Smith, 2015 wk 13
Lowest score	61.68	Iavana Humpalot (Devin Golden) · wk 6All-time: 35.94, Jeff Darcy, 2021 wk 15
Biggest blowout	+84.50	LaPorta Potty Love over Taking out the Trash Panda · wk 5All-time: +120.14, Davis Martisofski over Ben Dudash, 2024 wk 11
Closest game	+0.30	Remember The Tateans over Brotherly Shove · wk 3All-time: +0.02, Joshua Smith over Davis Martisofski, 2017 wk 1
Highest combined	286.76	Remember The Tateans vs Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks · wk 5All-time: 491.00, mets946234 vs Joshua Smith, 2015 wk 13
Most points in a loss	132.24	Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks (Joshua Smith) · wk 5
Longest win streakNew this week	3	Remember The Tateans (Luke Uliana) · wk 7All-time: 10, Davis Martisofski
Longest losing streakNew this week	6	Iavana Humpalot (Devin Golden) · wk 7

All-time lines cover 13 completed seasons, 1,278 games, 2013–2026.

Next week's lines

Made up from ESPN's Week 8 projections. The Dispatch takes no bets.

Favorite	Spread	Underdog	O/U	Win prob.
Remember The TateansLuke Uliana · proj 108.7	−36.0	Gruden's GrindersBrent Balga · proj 72.6	181.0	73%
Brotherly ShoveSean Bilger · proj 115.3	−27.0	Taking out the Trash PandaLovell Bivins · proj 88.1	203.5	66%
Iavana HumpalotDevin Golden · proj 113.7	−22.5	The McBrideBen Dudash · proj 91.2	205.0	63%
Hill Street BluesDavis Martisofski · proj 111.3	−11.0	JeantyficationJeff Darcy · proj 100.1	211.5	57%
Buffalo!!!!Daniel Martisofski · proj 122.0	−9.0	X Gon' Gibbs It To YaSteven Cortright · proj 113.0	235.0	55%
Ja'Marr Ja'Marr BinksJoshua Smith · proj 122.5	−8.0	LaPorta Potty LoveSal Cicero · proj 114.5	237.0	54%

Week 8 opens with Remember The Tateans (Luke Uliana) favored by 36.0 over Gruden's Grinders (Brent Balga), the biggest line on the board. Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks and LaPorta Potty Love is the closest, 8.0.

Transactions

Every claim, pickup and drop since the last edition, as ESPN processed them.

Claim denied Buffalo!!!! (Daniel) wanted Tyrone Tracy Jr. RB/NYG, drops Roschon Johnson RB/CHI Tue Oct 27

Ben Scores 128.92, Davis Survives by 4.68