The Mega Bowl Dispatch
Week 5 edition · Tuesday, October 13, 2026
This week
Week 5 came down to one game on Monday night. Six of our twelve teams had a starter in Bills at Rams, and three of the six games were still undecided when it kicked off. Hill Street Blues (Davis Martisofski), Iavana Humpalot (Devin Golden) and Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks (Joshua Smith) all went to bed Sunday night in the lead. None of them had a player left. All three lost. Ben needed 16.78 from Davante Adams and got 19.6. Dan needed 23.86 from three Bills and got 52.8. Luke needed 5.04 from Matthew Stafford and got 27.32.
LaPorta Potty Love (Sal Cicero) scored 166.20, the high score of the season by 17.34, and beat Taking out the Trash Panda (Lovell Bivins) by 84.50, the biggest margin of the season. Two weeks ago Sal was on the wrong end of the old record margin, 62.12 against Dan. He did this one with Jayden Daniels on the bench for 32.26. Gruden's Grinders (Brent Balga) got 39.46 from Drake Maye, the high starter of the week, the same quarterback this paper buried in Week 3. Dan is 5-0. Jeantyfication (Jeff Darcy) is 0-5 and is the last winless team in the league. Brotherly Shove (Sean Bilger) played the week without a kicker on the roster.
Standings
| # | Team | W-L | Pts | Strk |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 |  Buffalo!!!!Daniel Martisofski |
5-0 | 642.7 | ▲ 5 |
| 2 |  Remember The TateansLuke Uliana |
4-1 | 667.4 | ▲ 1 |
| 3 |  LaPorta Potty LoveSal Cicero |
4-1 | 607.4 | ▲ 2 |
| 4 |  X Gon' Gibbs It To YaSteven Cortright |
3-2 | 592.7 | ▲ 3 |
| 5 |  Brotherly ShoveSean Bilger |
3-2 | 581.3 | ▼ 1 |
| 6 |  Hill Street BluesDavis Martisofski |
3-2 | 567.9 | ▼ 1 |
| 7 |  Taking out the Trash PandaLovell Bivins |
3-2 | 538.6 | ▼ 1 |
| 8 |  Gruden's GrindersBrent Balga |
2-3 | 559.4 | ▲ 1 |
| 9 |  Ja'Marr Ja'Marr BinksJoshua Smith |
1-4 | 590.1 | ▼ 4 |
| 10 |  The McBrideBen Dudash |
1-4 | 542.4 | ▲ 1 |
| 11 |  Iavana HumpalotDevin Golden |
1-4 | 516.7 | ▼ 4 |
| 12 |  JeantyficationJeff Darcy |
0-5 | 456.4 | ▼ 5 |
The week in numbers
- High score
- 166.20 LaPorta Potty Love (Sal)
- Low score
- 81.70 Taking out the Trash Panda (Lovell)
- Closest
- 2.82 The McBride over Hill Street Blues
- Blowout
- 84.50 LaPorta Potty Love over Taking out the Trash Panda
- League average
- 119.83 all-time 112.44
Payouts
- Sal Cicero 3
- Luke Uliana 2
- Daniel Martisofski 2
- Brent Balga 1
- Joshua Smith 1
- Steven Cortright 1
Still waiting on a payout: Ben Dudash, Davis Martisofski, Devin Golden, Jeff Darcy, Lovell Bivins, Sean Bilger.
Two payouts every week: highest team score and highest single starter. Bench points never count.
Honor roll
The week's highest-scoring starters, whichever lineup they were in.
- Drake Maye QB · NEGruden's Grinders · BrentProjected 18.539.46
Jahmyr Gibbs RB · DETX Gon' Gibbs It To Ya · StevenProjected 24.635.2
Jaylen Warren RB · PITRemember The Tateans · LukeProjected 15.933.8
Josh Allen QB · BUFBuffalo!!!! · DanielProjected 19.930.5
Bucky Irving RB · TBLaPorta Potty Love · SalProjected 14.030.5
Detention
The starters who missed their projection by the most.
Tyler Shough QB · NOThe McBride · BenScored -0.16 of 16.5−16.7
CeeDee Lamb WR · DALHill Street Blues · DavisScored 1.9 of 15.5−13.6
Jeremiyah Love RB · ARILaPorta Potty Love · SalScored 2.2 of 13.1−10.9
Chase Brown RB · CINRemember The Tateans · LukeScored 5.5 of 15.3−9.8
David Montgomery RB · HOUX Gon' Gibbs It To Ya · StevenScored 1.1 of 10.9−9.8
Bench of shame
Sat and scored. Points that never made it onto the card.
Jayden Daniels QB · WSHLaPorta Potty Love · Sal32.26
Jordan Love QB · GBHill Street Blues · Davis25.28
Packers D/ST D/ST · GBTaking out the Trash Panda · Lovell19.0
Brock Purdy QB · SFTaking out the Trash Panda · Lovell16.16
Blake Corum RB · LARX Gon' Gibbs It To Ya · Steven14.7
How this week stacks up
Every score this week against all 2,532 team-weeks played in this league since 2013.
Game stories
| Thu | Sun early | Sun late | SNF | MNF | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Ben | 0.0 | 59.0 | 91.9 | 91.9 | 111.5 |
| Davis | 1.9 | 62.9 | 84.8 | 108.7 | 108.7 |
Hill Street Blues (Davis Martisofski) led 1.9 to 0.0 after Thursday, which was CeeDee Lamb's entire night. Then Tyler Shough scored -0.16 at quarterback for The McBride (Ben Dudash) in the early window, against an ESPN projection of 16.5. Ben still put up 59.04 by 4 o'clock behind Spencer Shrader 21.3 and the Texans defense 15.0. Davis had 62.9, with Isaiah Likely 26.9 in the flex and Aaron Jones Sr. 17.2.
Trey McBride (17.1) and Christian McCaffrey (15.8) put Ben ahead 91.94 to 84.82 after the late games. Sunday night was Ravens at Falcons and Davis had two Ravens, Tyler Loop 13.3 and Zay Flowers 10.6. That was the end of the Davis roster, up 108.72 to 91.94, a 16.78 lead. Ben had one starter left, Davante Adams, in Bills at Rams. Adams scored 19.6. Ben won by 2.82, his first win of the season, with a quarterback who finished below zero.
Davis, the receipt. Jordan Love scored 25.28 on your bench while Bo Nix started for 7.92. That swap wins by 14.54. Ladd McConkey started at wide receiver with an ESPN projection of 0.0 and scored 0.0, for the second straight week, with Courtland Sutton (8.8) sitting. That swap wins by 5.98. A perfect lineup scores 136.48. Davis has left 93.8 points on the bench this season, the most in the league, and with the right card every week he would be 5-0. He is 3-2.
| Thu | Sun early | Sun late | SNF | MNF | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Daniel | 0.0 | 66.2 | 77.9 | 77.9 | 130.7 |
| Devin | 12.6 | 57.1 | 81.2 | 101.7 | 114.4 |
Iavana Humpalot (Devin Golden) led after Thursday on Dak Prescott's 12.64. Buffalo!!!! (Daniel Martisofski) took the early window behind Christian Watson's 29.3 and led 66.2 to 57.14 at 4 o'clock. Jameson Williams scored 17.7 in the late window and Devin went back ahead, 81.24 to 77.88. Derrick Henry scored 20.5 on Sunday night. Devin led 101.74 to 77.88 going into Monday.
Dan had three starters left and all three were Bills: Josh Allen, James Cook III and DJ Moore. Devin had two Bills of his own, Khalil Shakir and Dalton Kincaid. The Bills won 37 to 34. Allen scored 30.5 and Cook 22.3. Moore, projected 0.0 by ESPN, scored 0.0. Shakir scored 9.5 and Kincaid 3.2. Dan outscored Devin 52.8 to 12.7 on Monday night and won by 16.24. The team named Buffalo!!!! won on the Bills.
Devin, there is no receipt. A perfect lineup from your roster scores 114.44, which is exactly what you scored. It was the only perfect lineup in the league this week, and it lost by 16.24. Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce were on bye, Dak got the start, and Malik Washington held the flex at a 12.3 percent start rate for 9.1. Devin has now led after the Sunday late games three times this season and lost all three. He is 1-4. Dan is 5-0, the longest win streak of the season. The all-time record is 10, held by Davis Martisofski.
| Thu | Sun early | Sun late | SNF | MNF | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Luke | 0.0 | 117.3 | 127.2 | 127.2 | 154.5 |
| Joshua | 11.2 | 103.3 | 132.2 | 132.2 | 132.2 |
Remember The Tateans (Luke Uliana) scored 117.3 in the early window: Jaylen Warren 33.8 in the flex, Tyler Warren 17.9, Ka'imi Fairbairn 17.9, Matthew Golden 17.3, D'Andre Swift 15.3. Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks (Joshua Smith) answered with 92.1 of his own, Parker Washington 27.4 and Braelon Allen 18.1 leading, and trailed 117.3 to 103.3 at 4 o'clock. The Cowboys defense had already scored -2.0 for Josh on Thursday.
Jared Goff scored 28.94 in the late window and Josh went ahead, 132.24 to 127.2. Amon-Ra St. Brown's 9.9 was Luke's only late answer. That was every starter Josh had. Luke had Matthew Stafford left for Monday and needed 5.04. Stafford scored 27.32. Luke won by 22.28.
Josh, this one is not on you. 132.24 is the most points scored in a loss this season and the fourth-highest score of the week; it beats eight of the other eleven teams. A perfect lineup scores 138.24 and still loses by 16.28. Josh has scored 590.06 points, fifth in the league, and is 1-4. Week by week against the whole league, he is 28-27. Luke has scored 667.38, the most in the league, and is 4-1.
The high score of the season and the biggest margin of the season, and LaPorta Potty Love (Sal Cicero) led at every checkpoint. Bucky Irving scored 30.5 on Thursday night. The late window brought 79.0 from six starters, led by Jason Myers 25.0 at kicker, Mike Evans 22.8, Sam LaPorta 17.3 and the Seahawks defense 11.0. Puka Nacua added 29.2 on Monday night. Sal started Aaron Rodgers (22.0) at an 11.0 percent start rate with Jayden Daniels on the bench, and Daniels scored 32.26, so the record has room left in it: a perfect lineup scores 183.56. The 166.20 ranks 99th of 2,532 team-weeks in league history. Taking out the Trash Panda (Lovell Bivins) scored 81.70, the low of the week, with 55.06 on the bench. Lovell's three-game win streak is over.
Drake Maye scored 9.82, 8.02 and 3.76 in the first three weeks and this paper ran his obituary. He has scored 26.16 and 39.46 since. The 39.46 is the high starter of the week and the first payout for Gruden's Grinders (Brent Balga). Malik Nabers added 23.6 and the Jets defense 18.0, and Brent's early window produced 110.96, more than Jeantyfication (Jeff Darcy) scored all week. Jeff led 14.2 to 7.1 after Thursday on Emeka Egbuka. Joe Burrow scored 24.6, the fourth straight week he has gone up. Kyle Pitts Sr. scored 12.7 on the bench while T.J. Hockenson started for 1.2. A perfect lineup scores 100.50. Jeff is 0-5, the longest losing streak of the season.
George Pickens scored 23.5 on Thursday night and X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya (Steven Cortright) never trailed. Jahmyr Gibbs scored 35.2 in the late window, the second-best start of the week, with Trevor Lawrence 21.74, Brock Bowers 19.0 and Will Reichard 16.9 behind him. Steve started Roman Wilson at a 9.4 percent start rate for 0.0, left Blake Corum's 14.7 on the bench, and won by 43.06. Brotherly Shove (Sean Bilger) started Jacoby Brissett (24.78) with Lamar Jackson on the bench at 0.0, which was right, and got 20.3 from Jaxon Smith-Njigba. He also played the week with no kicker. There is no kicker on the roster. Steve has won three straight after starting 0-2. Sean has lost two of three after starting 2-0.
Weekly awards
Calvin Ridley was benched this week and scored 4.3, which the committee has chosen not to discuss. This week's winner is CeeDee Lamb, started by 98.2 percent of ESPN and projected 15.5 for Hill Street Blues (Davis Martisofski). Lamb scored 1.9 on Thursday night. One week earlier he scored 32.8. Davis lost by 2.82.
Kyle Pitts Sr. scored 12.7 on Jeff Darcy's bench this week, which is how the namesake celebrates. The award goes to Tyler Shough, projected 16.5 at quarterback for The McBride (Ben Dudash), who scored -0.16. Ben won by 2.82 on Monday night anyway, which makes this the happiest acceptance speech in the history of the award.
Brock Purdy scored 16.16 on Lovell Bivins's bench this week, his fourth bench game of the season, 97.02 points across the four. He does not win. Jayden Daniels does: 32.26 on the bench of LaPorta Potty Love (Sal Cicero), started by 59.0 percent of ESPN and not by Sal, who started Aaron Rodgers and scored 166.20 anyway.
Steven Cortright scored 123.60 in Week 1 and lost, and the award keeps his number, but the number has been beaten. Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks (Joshua Smith) scored 132.24 this week and lost to Remember The Tateans (Luke Uliana) by 22.28. It is the most points in a loss this season and would have beaten eight of the other eleven teams. Josh was ahead by 5.04 when he went to bed Sunday night.
Obituaries
CeeDee went first, on Thursday night, and the league had four days to grieve. Started by 98.2 percent of ESPN. One week earlier he scored 32.8. Davis led by 16.78 going into Monday and lost by 2.82, so all 13.6 points CeeDee left short of his projection are still being discussed. In lieu of flowers, start Jordan Love.
Tyler started at quarterback and finished below zero, which takes effort. Ben did not attend the service. He was busy winning his first game of the season on Monday night with Davante Adams. Shough's line in three starts for Ben: 23.8, 15.94, -0.16. The trend has been noted.
The Bears defense joined Brotherly Shove this week and scored -2.0 in its first start, picking up where the Eagles defense left off in Week 3. Sean's defense slot has 8.0 points in five weeks. The family requests privacy, and a kicker.
Mack met his projection exactly, which is more than most of this league can say. He was on injured reserve, and he was started by 0.21 percent of ESPN, the lowest start rate of any starter in this league all season. Lovell lost by 84.50. Calvin Ridley, benched, scored 4.3 and sends his regards.
Receipts
Every roster, every bench, every lineup card, checked against what a perfect lineup would have scored. Start rates are ESPN league-wide for Week 5.
Lost by 43.06 and played the week with no kicker on the roster. Every other team got at least 5.1 from the position. Jacoby Brissett (24.78) at quarterback with Lamar Jackson sitting at 0.0 was the right call, and so was MarShawn Lloyd (16.2) at a 15.0 percent start rate. Kenneth Walker III had the week off with the Chiefs. Colston Loveland got the tight end job back and scored 2.9. Sean has 8.2 points from the tight end slot in five weeks; Ben has 69.8. The Bears defense scored -2.0 in its first start for Sean. A perfect lineup scores 92.48 and loses by 37.96. Of the 23 starters who have scored zero or less this season, Sean started four.
Won by 22.28 with 154.52, the second-highest score of the week, 6.7 off perfect. Emanuel Wilson (12.2) sat at a 67.5 percent start rate while Chase Brown started for 5.5. That is the whole gap. Jaylen Warren scored 33.8 in the flex and Matthew Stafford 27.32 on Monday night, with Luke down 5.04. Kyle Monangai, 27.5 on the bench last week, scored 0.0. Luke has scored 667.38 points, the most in the league, and is 4-1.
Lost by 48.76 and is 0-5. Kyle Pitts Sr. started the first three weeks for 0.0, 2.0 and 1.0. He has been benched the last two weeks and scored 6.2 and 12.7. T.J. Hockenson started this week for 1.2. Keenan Allen finally got a start, in the flex at a 7.3 percent start rate, and scored 7.0. KC Concepcion started for 1.0. Chuba Hubbard had the week off with Carolina. Joe Burrow has gone up every week: 14.16, 16.18, 22.58, 23.72, 24.6. A perfect lineup scores 100.50 and loses by 33.96. Jeff has 456.44 points, the fewest in the league, 60.30 behind Devin.
Won by 2.82, first win of the season, with -0.16 from the quarterback slot. Jakobi Meyers finally started, two weeks after scoring 15.9 on the bench, and scored 4.7. Dontayvion Wicks went to the bench and scored 8.8. Tony Pollard scored 7.0, 11.6 and 12.0 on the bench in Weeks 2 through 4, started this week, and scored 5.2. Spencer Shrader kicked for 21.3 and the Texans defense scored 15.0. Josh Jacobs has been on the roster all five weeks and scored 0.0 in every one. Ben has had 648.12 points scored against him, the most in the league. A perfect lineup scores 119.04.
Lost by 84.50 with the low score of the week, 81.70, and the biggest bench in the league, 55.06. Lovell benched Calvin Ridley for the first time since Week 1 and Ridley scored 4.3. Mack Hollins kept his spot at wide receiver: injured reserve, projected 0.0, started by 0.21 percent of ESPN, the lowest start rate of any starter in this league this season. He scored 0.0. The Packers defense scored 19.0 on the bench at an 8.1 percent start rate while the Steelers defense started for 1.0. Brock Purdy (16.16) sat behind Jalen Hurts (13.0). Lovell has started the lower-scoring quarterback in three of five weeks. A perfect lineup scores 111.16 and loses by 55.04.
Won by 43.06, a third straight win after an 0-2 start. Jahmyr Gibbs scored 35.2, his third game over 30 this season. Also left 28.50 on the table, the second-biggest gap in the league. Roman Wilson started at a 9.4 percent start rate and scored 0.0. David Montgomery scored 1.1 with Blake Corum (14.7) on the bench. A perfect lineup scores 158.94, which would have been the second-highest score of the week.
Won by 16.24 after trailing by 23.86 going into Monday night. Is 5-0. Three Bills started on Monday and scored 52.8 between them. DJ Moore was one of the three, projected 0.0, and scored 0.0. Moore has scored 18.5, -0.1, 9.7, 2.2 and 0.0. Terry McLaurin (10.2) sat. Christian Watson scored 29.3 at a 76.2 percent start rate. A perfect lineup scores 143.98. No payout this week; Dan is tied for second in the money race with two.
Lost by 2.82 after leading by 16.78 with nobody left to play. Jordan Love scored 25.28 on the bench while Bo Nix started for 7.92; that swap wins by 14.54. Ladd McConkey started at wide receiver, projected 0.0, and scored 0.0 for the second straight week, with Courtland Sutton (8.8) sitting; that swap wins by 5.98. CeeDee Lamb, started by 98.2 percent of ESPN, scored 1.9 on Thursday. Isaiah Likely scored 26.9 in the flex. A perfect lineup scores 136.48. Davis has left 93.8 on the bench this season, the most in the league.
Won by 84.50 with 166.20, the high score of the season and the biggest margin. Started Aaron Rodgers (22.0) at an 11.0 percent start rate, with Bryce Young on bye and Jayden Daniels on the bench for the third straight week. Daniels scored 32.26. RJ Harvey got his first start of the season, in the flex, and scored 0.7, one week after 14.3 on the bench. Jason Myers kicked for 25.0. Puka Nacua, benched in Weeks 2 and 3, has scored 23.2 and 29.2 since. A perfect lineup scores 183.56. Sal has the high team score two weeks running and leads the money race alone with three payouts.
Lost by 16.24 with the only perfect lineup in the league: a perfect card from this roster scores 114.44, and Devin scored 114.44. Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce were on bye. Dak Prescott started and scored 12.64. Malik Washington held the flex at a 12.3 percent start rate and scored 9.1. Saquon Barkley was on the bench at 0.0. Devin led after the late games and after Sunday night and lost to three Bills on Monday. That is the third time this season Devin has led after the late games and lost. 1-4, four straight losses.
Lost by 22.28 with 132.24, the most points in a loss this season. Jared Goff scored 28.94 and Parker Washington 27.4. The Cowboys defense scored -2.0 on Thursday at a 39.5 percent start rate. Denzel Boston (12.1) sat for the fifth straight week; he has scored 12.9, 18.0, 7.1, 10.9 and 12.1 on the bench, 61.0 points without a start. Caleb Williams, 37.26 in Week 1, has been on the bench at 0.0 for three weeks. A perfect lineup scores 138.24 and still loses. 1-4 with the fifth-most points in the league.
Won by 48.76. Drake Maye scored 39.46, the high starter of the week, and Brent has his first payout of the season. The Week 3 obituary for Maye asked the family for a backup. Sam Darnold sat on the roster in Week 4 and was gone by Week 5, and Maye scored 26.16 and 39.46 in the meantime. Brent started three wide receivers at start rates of 1.9, 2.9 and 8.5 percent, Dohnte Meyers, Tre' Harris and Makai Lemon, and they scored 11.6 between them. The Jets defense scored 18.0. 2-3.
Strange but true
Season-long oddities through week 5, straight from the box scores. Nobody wrote these; the lineups did.
- Brotherly Shove (Sean) has 8.2 points from the tight end slot in 5 weeks, 1.6 a week. The league high is 69.8, The McBride (Ben).
- Hill Street Blues (Davis) has 66.8 points from the quarterback slot in 5 weeks, 13.4 a week. The league high is 142.5, Buffalo!!!! (Daniel).
- Brotherly Shove (Sean) has 29.4 points from the kicker slot in 5 weeks, 5.9 a week. The league high is 56.7, Remember The Tateans (Luke).
- Brotherly Shove (Sean) has 8.0 points from the defense slot in 5 weeks, 1.6 a week. The league high is 54.0, Buffalo!!!! (Daniel).
- 13 of 30 games this season flip if the loser starts a perfect lineup. Hill Street Blues (Davis) is 3-2, and would be 5-0 with the right card every week.
- Hill Street Blues (Davis) has left 93.8 points on the bench this season, the most in the league, 18.8 a week.
- Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks (Joshua) is 1-4, but 28-27 against the whole league week by week. Buffalo!!!! (Daniel) is 5-0 and 41-14 the same way.
- The McBride (Ben) has had 648.12 points scored against it, 17.88 more than anyone else. LaPorta Potty Love (Sal) has faced the least, 501.06.
- 23 starters have scored zero or less this season. Brotherly Shove (Sean) has started 4 of them.
- The least-started starter of the season is Mack Hollins, in the lineup for Taking out the Trash Panda (Lovell) in Week 5 at 0.2 percent of ESPN. He scored 0.0.
- 4 of 30 games have been decided by fewer than 5 points.
- Iavana Humpalot (Devin) has led after the Sunday late games 3 times and won 0 of those.
If you had started the right guys
| Team | Record | Perfect card | Everyone perfect | vs. the field | Left on bench |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Buffalo!!!!Daniel Martisofski | 5-0 | 5-0 | 5-0 | 41-14 | 88.2 |
| Remember The TateansLuke Uliana | 4-1 | 5-0 | 5-0 | 44-11 | 68.9 |
| LaPorta Potty LoveSal Cicero | 4-1 | 4-1 | 4-1 | 33-22 | 73.8 |
| Taking out the Trash PandaLovell Bivins | 3-2 | 4-1 | 3-2 | 23-32 | 80.1 |
| Brotherly ShoveSean Bilger | 3-2 | 4-1 | 2-3 | 36-19 | 33.8 |
| Hill Street BluesDavis Martisofski | 3-2 | 5-0 | 4-1 | 26-29 | 93.8 |
| X Gon' Gibbs It To YaSteven Cortright | 3-2 | 4-1 | 3-2 | 31-24 | 79.7 |
| Gruden's GrindersBrent Balga | 2-3 | 3-2 | 2-3 | 25-30 | 59.6 |
| Iavana HumpalotDevin Golden | 1-4 | 2-3 | 1-4 | 17-38 | 73.0 |
| Ja'Marr Ja'Marr BinksJoshua Smith | 1-4 | 3-2 | 1-4 | 28-27 | 84.0 |
| The McBrideBen Dudash | 1-4 | 2-3 | 0-5 | 20-35 | 76.9 |
| JeantyficationJeff Darcy | 0-5 | 2-3 | 0-5 | 6-49 | 69.4 |
Perfect card: your best possible lineup against what your opponent actually scored. vs. the field: your score against all eleven other teams, every week.
Position report card · points by slot
| Team | QB | RB | WR | TE | FLEX | K | D/ST |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Buffalo!!!!Daniel | 142.5 | 122.5 | 138.4 | 61.3 | 76.9 | 47.2 | 54.0 |
| Remember The TateansLuke | 89.0 | 143.8 | 224.5 | 54.9 | 66.5 | 56.7 | 32.0 |
| LaPorta Potty LoveSal | 89.5 | 116.8 | 201.4 | 63.1 | 31.5 | 54.1 | 51.0 |
| Taking out the Trash PandaLovell | 86.1 | 186.7 | 105.1 | 40.5 | 39.4 | 43.8 | 37.0 |
| Brotherly ShoveSean | 103.9 | 165.4 | 215.9 | 8.2 | 50.6 | 29.4 | 8.0 |
| Hill Street BluesDavis | 66.8 | 112.8 | 198.7 | 22.3 | 71.2 | 55.1 | 41.0 |
| X Gon' Gibbs It To YaSteven | 86.9 | 182.2 | 128.9 | 69.2 | 40.8 | 55.7 | 29.0 |
| Gruden's GrindersBrent | 87.2 | 158.3 | 118.2 | 51.0 | 48.2 | 47.5 | 49.0 |
| Iavana HumpalotDevin | 89.7 | 135.3 | 137.9 | 47.8 | 49.9 | 32.1 | 24.0 |
| Ja'Marr Ja'Marr BinksJoshua | 113.8 | 111.3 | 203.4 | 37.7 | 60.3 | 55.6 | 8.0 |
| The McBrideBen | 67.0 | 155.4 | 143.2 | 69.8 | 23.6 | 52.4 | 31.0 |
| JeantyficationJeff | 101.2 | 64.3 | 140.1 | 22.6 | 81.0 | 31.2 | 16.0 |
Lowest in each column in red, highest in green. RB is two slots, WR three.
Power rankings
- #1Buffalo!!!! Daniel Martisofski · 5-0Beat Iavana Humpalot (Devin Golden), 130.68-114.44. Josh Allen led with 30.5.
- #2Remember The Tateans Luke Uliana · 4-1Beat Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks (Joshua Smith), 154.52-132.24. Jaylen Warren led with 33.8.
- #3LaPorta Potty Love Sal Cicero · 4-1 · ▲ 3Beat Taking out the Trash Panda (Lovell Bivins), 166.20-81.70. Bucky Irving led with 30.5.
- #4X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya Steven Cortright · 3-2 · ▲ 3Beat Brotherly Shove (Sean Bilger), 130.44-87.38. Jahmyr Gibbs led with 35.2.
- #5Brotherly Shove Sean Bilger · 3-2 · ▼ 2Lost to X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya (Steven Cortright), 87.38-130.44. Jacoby Brissett led with 24.78.
- #6Hill Street Blues Davis Martisofski · 3-2 · ▼ 2Lost to The McBride (Ben Dudash), 108.72-111.54. Isaiah Likely led with 26.9.
- #7Taking out the Trash Panda Lovell Bivins · 3-2 · ▼ 2Lost to LaPorta Potty Love (Sal Cicero), 81.70-166.20. Kyren Williams led with 16.6.
- #8Gruden's Grinders Brent Balga · 2-3 · ▲ 1Beat Jeantyfication (Jeff Darcy), 134.46-85.70. Drake Maye led with 39.46.
- #9Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks Joshua Smith · 1-4 · ▼ 1Lost to Remember The Tateans (Luke Uliana), 132.24-154.52. Jared Goff led with 28.94.
- #10The McBride Ben Dudash · 1-4 · ▲ 1Beat Hill Street Blues (Davis Martisofski), 111.54-108.72. Spencer Shrader led with 21.3.
- #11Iavana Humpalot Devin Golden · 1-4 · ▼ 1Lost to Buffalo!!!! (Daniel Martisofski), 114.44-130.68. Derrick Henry led with 20.5.
- #12Jeantyfication Jeff Darcy · 0-5Lost to Gruden's Grinders (Brent Balga), 85.70-134.46. Joe Burrow led with 24.6.
Season record book
| Highest scoreNew this week | 166.20 | LaPorta Potty Love (Sal Cicero) · wk 5All-time: 257.00, Joshua Smith, 2015 wk 13 |
|---|---|---|
| Lowest score | 80.26 | X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya (Steven Cortright) · wk 2All-time: 35.94, Jeff Darcy, 2021 wk 15 |
| Biggest blowoutNew this week | +84.50 | LaPorta Potty Love over Taking out the Trash Panda · wk 5All-time: +120.14, Davis Martisofski over Ben Dudash, 2024 wk 11 |
| Closest game | +0.30 | Remember The Tateans over Brotherly Shove · wk 3All-time: +0.02, Joshua Smith over Davis Martisofski, 2017 wk 1 |
| Highest combinedNew this week | 286.76 | Remember The Tateans vs Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks · wk 5All-time: 491.00, mets946234 vs Joshua Smith, 2015 wk 13 |
| Most points in a lossNew this week | 132.24 | Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks (Joshua Smith) · wk 5 |
| Longest win streakNew this week | 5 | Buffalo!!!! (Daniel Martisofski) · wk 5All-time: 10, Davis Martisofski |
| Longest losing streakNew this week | 5 | Jeantyfication (Jeff Darcy) · wk 5 |
All-time lines cover 13 completed seasons, 1,266 games, 2013–2026.
Next week's lines
Made up from ESPN's Week 6 projections. The Dispatch takes no bets.
| Favorite | Spread | Underdog | O/U | Win prob. |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| X Gon' Gibbs It To YaSteven Cortright · proj 77.8 | −45.0 | JeantyficationJeff Darcy · proj 32.8 | 110.5 | 88% |
| Remember The TateansLuke Uliana · proj 120.8 | −18.0 | Iavana HumpalotDevin Golden · proj 103.0 | 224.0 | 60% |
| The McBrideBen Dudash · proj 127.5 | −14.0 | Taking out the Trash PandaLovell Bivins · proj 113.5 | 241.0 | 57% |
| Hill Street BluesDavis Martisofski · proj 114.7 | −10.5 | LaPorta Potty LoveSal Cicero · proj 104.0 | 219.0 | 56% |
| Buffalo!!!!Daniel Martisofski · proj 114.4 | −10.0 | Ja'Marr Ja'Marr BinksJoshua Smith · proj 104.3 | 218.5 | 56% |
| Brotherly ShoveSean Bilger · proj 96.3 | −0.5 | Gruden's GrindersBrent Balga · proj 95.8 | 192.0 | 50% |
One team is 5-0, Buffalo!!!! (Daniel Martisofski), and one is 0-5, Jeantyfication (Jeff Darcy). Next week Dan plays Josh, Jeff plays Steve, and Sean plays Brent with or without a kicker. Week 6 kicks off Thursday, Seahawks at Broncos.
Transactions
Every claim, pickup and drop since the last edition, as ESPN processed them.
League notices
Any kicker. Must be on a roster by Thursday night. Every other team in the league got at least 5.1 points from the position last week. Brotherly Shove got none, because it had none.
— SeanSat on the bench while Bo Nix scored 7.92. Would have won the game by 14.54. Buyer must be willing to put him in the lineup.
— Hill Street BluesThe Week 3 edition ran an obituary for Drake Maye (3.76) and asked the family for a backup. Mr. Maye has since scored 26.16 and 39.46. The Dispatch regrets the error and congratulates Gruden's Grinders on its first payout.
— The editorsLast seen Sunday night, before Bills at Rams. Three Bills walked in on Monday and took it. If found, please return to Iavana Humpalot. It was a perfect lineup. It did not help.
— Devin