Vol. 14 · No. 4Flint, MichiganFree to the league

The Mega Bowl Dispatch

Week 4 edition · Flint, Michigan · Year Fourteen · Tuesday morning, after Monday night

Week 4 Steven survived by 9.40 · Sal won by 53.16 · Sal led the league with 140.96 After Monday night

This week

X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya def. Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks Steven over Joshua by 9.40, after trailing by 23.42 125.88 — 116.48 | margin 9.40

Taking out the Trash Panda def. Gruden's Grinders Lovell over Brent by 15.86 133.32 — 117.46 | margin 15.86

Hill Street Blues def. Remember The Tateans Davis over Luke by 22.48, after trailing by 11.90 135.56 — 113.08 | margin 22.48

Buffalo!!!! def. Jeantyfication Daniel over Jeff by 25.50 127.42 — 101.92 | margin 25.50

Brotherly Shove def. The McBride Sean over Ben by 33.24, after trailing by 14.00 130.38 — 97.14 | margin 33.24

LaPorta Potty Love def. Iavana Humpalot Sal over Devin by 53.16, after trailing by 21.10 140.96 — 87.80 | margin 53.16

Tetairoa McMillan, 38.2, the week's high starter, for LaPorta Potty Love (Sal Cicero).

Filed from the box scores

Week 4 had a game decided by 9.40 and a game decided by 53.16. Buffalo!!!! (Daniel Martisofski) is 4-0. The McBride (Ben Dudash), Jeantyfication (Jeff Darcy) are 0-4. The league averaged 118.95 a team.

Payouts: LaPorta Potty Love (Sal Cicero) for the high team at 140.96, and Sal for Tetairoa McMillan at 38.2. The money race and every lineup crime are below; the editorial copy lands later today.

Standings

#	Team	W-L	Pts	Strk
1	Buffalo!!!!Daniel Martisofski	4-0	512.1	▲ 4
2	Remember The TateansLuke Uliana	3-1	512.9	▼ 1
3	Brotherly ShoveSean Bilger	3-1	493.9	▲ 1
4	Hill Street BluesDavis Martisofski	3-1	459.1	▲ 3
5	Taking out the Trash PandaLovell Bivins	3-1	456.9	▲ 3
6	LaPorta Potty LoveSal Cicero	3-1	441.2	▲ 1
7	X Gon' Gibbs It To YaSteven Cortright	2-2	462.2	▲ 2
8	Ja'Marr Ja'Marr BinksJoshua Smith	1-3	457.8	▼ 3
9	Gruden's GrindersBrent Balga	1-3	425.0	▼ 1
10	Iavana HumpalotDevin Golden	1-3	402.3	▼ 3
11	The McBrideBen Dudash	0-4	430.8	▼ 4
12	JeantyficationJeff Darcy	0-4	370.7	▼ 4

The week in numbers

High score: 140.96 LaPorta Potty Love (Sal)
Low score: 87.80 Iavana Humpalot (Devin)
Closest: 9.40 X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya over Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks
Blowout: 53.16 LaPorta Potty Love over Iavana Humpalot
League average: 118.95 all-time 112.41

Payouts

High teamLaPorta Potty LoveSal Cicero140.96

High starterTetairoa McMillanWR · CAR · started by Sal Cicero (LaPorta Potty Love)38.2

Money race, thru week 4

Luke Uliana 2
Daniel Martisofski 2
Sal Cicero 2
Joshua Smith 1
Steven Cortright 1

Still waiting on a payout: Ben Dudash, Brent Balga, Davis Martisofski, Devin Golden, Jeff Darcy, Lovell Bivins, Sean Bilger.

Two payouts every week: highest team score and highest single starter. Bench points never count.

Honor roll

The week's highest-scoring starters, whichever lineup they were in.

Tetairoa McMillan WR · CARLaPorta Potty Love · SalProjected 13.538.2
CeeDee Lamb WR · DALHill Street Blues · DavisProjected 13.732.8
Kyren Williams RB · LARTaking out the Trash Panda · LovellProjected 11.931.7
Kenneth Walker III RB · KCBrotherly Shove · SeanProjected 18.930.4
Javonte Williams RB · DALJa'Marr Ja'Marr Binks · JoshuaProjected 13.228.8

Detention

The starters who missed their projection by the most.

Ja'Marr Chase WR · CINJa'Marr Ja'Marr Binks · JoshuaScored 4.2 of 16.5−12.3
Rashee Rice WR · KCLaPorta Potty Love · SalScored 0.0 of 12.1−12.1
Saquon Barkley RB · PHIIavana Humpalot · DevinScored 1.5 of 13.3−11.8
Parker Washington WR · JAXJa'Marr Ja'Marr Binks · JoshuaScored 1.5 of 12.8−11.3
Ladd McConkey WR · LACHill Street Blues · DavisScored 0.0 of 9.2−9.2

Bench of shame

Sat and scored. Points that never made it onto the card.

Kyle Monangai RB · CHIRemember The Tateans · Luke27.5
Emanuel Wilson RB · SEARemember The Tateans · Luke25.5
Brian Robinson Jr. RB · ATLGruden's Grinders · Brent25.2
Dak Prescott QB · DALIavana Humpalot · Devin18.1
Carnell Tate WR · TENRemember The Tateans · Luke17.0

How this week stacks up

Every score this week against all 2,520 team-weeks played in this league since 2013.

140.96LaPorta Potty Love Sal#340 all-time · top 13.5%

135.56Hill Street Blues Davis#456 all-time · top 18.1%

133.32Taking out the Trash Panda Lovell#500 all-time · top 19.8%

130.38Brotherly Shove Sean#568 all-time · top 22.5%

127.42Buffalo!!!! Daniel#641 all-time · top 25.4%

125.88X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya Steven#693 all-time · top 27.5%

117.46Gruden's Grinders Brent#962 all-time · top 38.2%

116.48Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks Joshua#1,005 all-time · top 39.9%

113.08Remember The Tateans Luke#1,133 all-time · top 45.0%

101.92Jeantyfication Jeff#1,596 all-time · top 63.3%

97.14The McBride Ben#1,773 all-time · top 70.4%

87.80Iavana Humpalot Devin#2,081 all-time · top 82.6%

Game stories

Trailed by 23.42 after Sunday early

X Gon' Gibbs It To YaSteven Cortright · 2-2125.88

def.by 9.40

Ja'Marr Ja'Marr BinksJoshua Smith · 1-3116.48

	Thu	Sun early	Sun late	SNF	MNF
Steven	0.0	72.6	110.2	125.9	125.9
Joshua	0.0	96.0	96.0	116.5	116.5

X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya (Steven Cortright) beat Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks (Joshua Smith) 125.88 to 116.48, a margin of 9.40. Joshua led 96.0 to 72.6 after the Sunday early; Steven led 110.2 to 96.0 after the Sunday late; Steven led 125.9 to 116.5 after Sunday night; Steven led 125.9 to 116.5 after Monday night.

Romeo Doubs scored 20.8 for the winner, the best starter in the game. Javonte Williams scored 28.8 for Joshua. Steven left 45.5 on the bench, Joshua left 18.2.

Steven trailed by 23.42 after the Sunday early and won anyway.

Trailed by 21.10 after Thu

LaPorta Potty LoveSal Cicero · 3-1140.96

def.by 53.16

Iavana HumpalotDevin Golden · 1-387.80

	Thu	Sun early	Sun late	SNF	MNF
Sal	0.0	35.3	62.9	141.0	141.0
Devin	21.1	50.7	74.6	87.8	87.8

LaPorta Potty Love (Sal Cicero) beat Iavana Humpalot (Devin Golden) 140.96 to 87.80, a margin of 53.16. Devin led 21.1 to 0.0 after Thu; Devin led 50.7 to 35.3 after the Sunday early; Devin led 74.6 to 62.9 after the Sunday late; Sal led 141.0 to 87.8 after Sunday night; Sal led 141.0 to 87.8 after Monday night.

Tetairoa McMillan scored 38.2 for the winner, the best starter in the game. Quinshon Judkins scored 18.6 for Devin. Sal left 32.5 on the bench, Devin left 47.3.

Sal trailed by 21.10 after Thu and won anyway.

Trailed by 14.00 after Thu

Brotherly ShoveSean Bilger · 3-1130.38

def.by 33.24

The McBrideBen Dudash · 0-497.14

	Thu	Sun early	Sun late	SNF	MNF
Sean	0.0	51.2	91.7	110.1	130.4
Ben	14.0	51.1	81.2	81.2	97.1

Brotherly Shove (Sean Bilger) beat The McBride (Ben Dudash) 130.38 to 97.14, a margin of 33.24. Ben led 14.0 to 0.0 after Thu; Sean led 51.2 to 51.1 after the Sunday early; Sean led 91.7 to 81.2 after the Sunday late; Sean led 110.1 to 81.2 after Sunday night; Sean led 130.4 to 97.1 after Monday night.

Kenneth Walker III scored 30.4 for the winner, the best starter in the game. Spencer Shrader scored 17.4 for Ben. Sean left 29.6 on the bench, Ben left 38.0.

Sean trailed by 14.00 after Thu and won anyway.

Hill Street BluesDavis Martisofski · 3-1135.56

def.by 22.48

Remember The TateansLuke Uliana · 3-1113.08

Hill Street Blues (Davis Martisofski) beat Remember The Tateans (Luke Uliana) 135.56 to 113.08, a margin of 22.48. Luke led 22.1 to 10.2 after Thu; Davis led 107.2 to 86.0 after the Sunday early; Davis led 135.6 to 86.0 after the Sunday late; Davis led 135.6 to 97.5 after Sunday night; Davis led 135.6 to 113.1 after Monday night.

Taking out the Trash PandaLovell Bivins · 3-1133.32

def.by 15.86

Gruden's GrindersBrent Balga · 1-3117.46

Taking out the Trash Panda (Lovell Bivins) beat Gruden's Grinders (Brent Balga) 133.32 to 117.46, a margin of 15.86. Lovell led 5.0 to 0.0 after Thu; Lovell led 89.6 to 75.7 after the Sunday early; Lovell led 121.2 to 90.3 after the Sunday late; Lovell led 121.2 to 90.3 after Sunday night; Lovell led 133.3 to 117.5 after Monday night.

Buffalo!!!!Daniel Martisofski · 4-0127.42

def.by 25.50

JeantyficationJeff Darcy · 0-4101.92

Buffalo!!!! (Daniel Martisofski) beat Jeantyfication (Jeff Darcy) 127.42 to 101.92, a margin of 25.50. Daniel led 69.9 to 30.2 after the Sunday early; Daniel led 127.4 to 77.5 after the Sunday late; Daniel led 127.4 to 101.9 after Sunday night; Daniel led 127.4 to 101.9 after Monday night.

Strange but true

Season-long oddities through week 4, straight from the box scores. Nobody wrote these; the lineups did.

Brotherly Shove (Sean) has 5.3 points from the tight end slot in 4 weeks, 1.3 a week. The league high is 56.4, Buffalo!!!! (Daniel).
Gruden's Grinders (Brent) has 47.8 points from the quarterback slot in 4 weeks, 11.9 a week. The league high is 112.0, Buffalo!!!! (Daniel).
Jeantyfication (Jeff) has 25.0 points from the kicker slot in 4 weeks, 6.2 a week. The league high is 49.0, Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks (Joshua).
Jeantyfication (Jeff) has 9.0 points from the defense slot in 4 weeks, 2.2 a week. The league high is 41.0, Buffalo!!!! (Daniel).
12 of 24 games this season flip if the loser starts a perfect lineup. Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks (Joshua) is 1-3, and would be 3-1 with the right card every week.
Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks (Joshua) has left 78.0 points on the bench this season, the most in the league, 19.5 a week.
The McBride (Ben) is 0-4, but 16-28 against the whole league week by week. LaPorta Potty Love (Sal) is 3-1 and 22-22 the same way.
The McBride (Ben) has had 539.40 points scored against it, 51.94 more than anyone else. Buffalo!!!! (Daniel) has faced the least, 401.00.
16 starters have scored zero or less this season. Brotherly Shove (Sean) has started 3 of them.
The least-started starter of the season is Calvin Ridley, in the lineup for Taking out the Trash Panda (Lovell) in Week 4 at 0.2 percent of ESPN. He scored 1.8.
3 of 24 games have been decided by fewer than 5 points.
Jeantyfication (Jeff) has led after the Sunday late games 3 times and won 0 of those.

If you had started the right guys

Team	Record	Perfect card	Everyone perfect	vs. the field	Left on bench
Buffalo!!!!Daniel Martisofski	4-0	4-0	4-0	34-10	74.9
Taking out the Trash PandaLovell Bivins	3-1	4-0	3-1	23-21	50.7
Brotherly ShoveSean Bilger	3-1	4-0	2-2	34-10	28.7
Hill Street BluesDavis Martisofski	3-1	4-0	3-1	23-21	66.0
Remember The TateansLuke Uliana	3-1	4-0	4-0	34-10	62.2
LaPorta Potty LoveSal Cicero	3-1	3-1	3-1	22-22	56.4
X Gon' Gibbs It To YaSteven Cortright	2-2	3-1	2-2	25-19	51.2
Iavana HumpalotDevin Golden	1-3	2-2	1-3	12-32	73.0
Gruden's GrindersBrent Balga	1-3	2-2	1-3	16-28	46.9
Ja'Marr Ja'Marr BinksJoshua Smith	1-3	3-1	1-3	20-24	78.0
JeantyficationJeff Darcy	0-4	2-2	0-4	5-39	54.6
The McBrideBen Dudash	0-4	1-3	0-4	16-28	69.4

Perfect card: your best possible lineup against what your opponent actually scored. vs. the field: your score against all eleven other teams, every week.

Position report card · points by slot

Team	QB	RB	WR	TE	FLEX	K	D/ST
Buffalo!!!!Daniel	112.0	85.4	107.6	56.4	71.6	38.1	41.0
Taking out the Trash PandaLovell	73.1	160.4	86.0	37.7	25.0	38.7	36.0
Brotherly ShoveSean	79.1	147.6	186.2	5.3	36.4	29.4	10.0
Hill Street BluesDavis	58.8	79.6	186.2	21.4	44.3	41.8	27.0
Remember The TateansLuke	61.7	123.0	190.7	37.0	32.7	38.8	29.0
LaPorta Potty LoveSal	67.5	84.1	143.9	45.8	30.8	29.1	40.0
X Gon' Gibbs It To YaSteven	65.1	145.9	103.3	50.2	33.9	38.8	25.0
Iavana HumpalotDevin	77.1	108.3	90.8	44.6	40.8	25.7	15.0
Gruden's GrindersBrent	47.8	133.9	85.2	40.7	46.0	40.4	31.0
Ja'Marr Ja'Marr BinksJoshua	84.8	80.0	151.2	28.6	54.2	49.0	10.0
JeantyficationJeff	76.6	55.6	109.1	21.4	74.0	25.0	9.0
The McBrideBen	67.1	130.4	115.1	52.7	18.4	31.1	16.0

Lowest in each column in red, highest in green. RB is two slots, WR three.

Power rankings

#1Buffalo!!!! Daniel Martisofski · 4-0 · ▲ 1Beat Jeantyfication (Jeff Darcy), 127.42-101.92. Josh Allen led with 18.52.
#2Remember The Tateans Luke Uliana · 3-1 · ▼ 1Lost to Hill Street Blues (Davis Martisofski), 113.08-135.56. Ka'imi Fairbairn led with 17.4.
#3Brotherly Shove Sean Bilger · 3-1Beat The McBride (Ben Dudash), 130.38-97.14. Kenneth Walker III led with 30.4.
#4Hill Street Blues Davis Martisofski · 3-1 · ▲ 1Beat Remember The Tateans (Luke Uliana), 135.56-113.08. CeeDee Lamb led with 32.8.
#5Taking out the Trash Panda Lovell Bivins · 3-1 · ▼ 1Beat Gruden's Grinders (Brent Balga), 133.32-117.46. Kyren Williams led with 31.7.
#6LaPorta Potty Love Sal Cicero · 3-1Beat Iavana Humpalot (Devin Golden), 140.96-87.80. Tetairoa McMillan led with 38.2.
#7X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya Steven Cortright · 2-2 · ▲ 1Beat Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks (Joshua Smith), 125.88-116.48. Romeo Doubs led with 20.8.
#8Ja'Marr Ja'Marr Binks Joshua Smith · 1-3 · ▼ 1Lost to X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya (Steven Cortright), 116.48-125.88. Javonte Williams led with 28.8.
#9Gruden's Grinders Brent Balga · 1-3 · ▲ 1Lost to Taking out the Trash Panda (Lovell Bivins), 117.46-133.32. Bijan Robinson led with 27.2.
#10Iavana Humpalot Devin Golden · 1-3 · ▼ 1Lost to LaPorta Potty Love (Sal Cicero), 87.80-140.96. Quinshon Judkins led with 18.6.
#11The McBride Ben Dudash · 0-4Lost to Brotherly Shove (Sean Bilger), 97.14-130.38. Spencer Shrader led with 17.4.
#12Jeantyfication Jeff Darcy · 0-4Lost to Buffalo!!!! (Daniel Martisofski), 101.92-127.42. Chuba Hubbard led with 25.4.

Season record book

Highest score	148.86	Buffalo!!!! (Daniel Martisofski) · wk 3All-time: 257.00, Joshua Smith, 2015 wk 13
Lowest score	80.26	X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya (Steven Cortright) · wk 2All-time: 35.94, Jeff Darcy, 2021 wk 15
Biggest blowout	+62.12	Buffalo!!!! over LaPorta Potty Love · wk 3All-time: +120.14, Davis Martisofski over Ben Dudash, 2024 wk 11
Closest game	+0.30	Remember The Tateans over Brotherly Shove · wk 3All-time: +0.02, Joshua Smith over Davis Martisofski, 2017 wk 1
Highest combined	269.00	Remember The Tateans vs X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya · wk 1All-time: 491.00, mets946234 vs Joshua Smith, 2015 wk 13
Most points in a loss	123.60	X Gon' Gibbs It To Ya (Steven Cortright) · wk 1
Longest win streakNew this week	4	Buffalo!!!! (Daniel Martisofski) · wk 4All-time: 10, Davis Martisofski
Longest losing streakNew this week	4	The McBride (Ben Dudash) · wk 4

All-time lines cover 13 completed seasons, 1,266 games, 2013–2026.

Next week's lines

Made up from ESPN's Week 5 projections. The Dispatch takes no bets.

Favorite	Spread	Underdog	O/U	Win prob.
Buffalo!!!!Daniel Martisofski · proj 118.3	−46.0	Iavana HumpalotDevin Golden · proj 72.5	191.0	76%
Gruden's GrindersBrent Balga · proj 108.3	−30.5	JeantyficationJeff Darcy · proj 78.0	186.0	69%
Taking out the Trash PandaLovell Bivins · proj 110.0	−30.0	LaPorta Potty LoveSal Cicero · proj 80.0	190.0	69%
X Gon' Gibbs It To YaSteven Cortright · proj 117.5	−7.0	Brotherly ShoveSean Bilger · proj 110.3	228.0	69%
Remember The TateansLuke Uliana · proj 124.6	−7.0	Ja'Marr Ja'Marr BinksJoshua Smith · proj 117.7	242.5	54%
The McBrideBen Dudash · proj 116.6	−3.0	Hill Street BluesDavis Martisofski · proj 113.7	230.0	52%

Week 5 opens with Buffalo!!!! (Daniel Martisofski) favored by 46.0 over Iavana Humpalot (Devin Golden), the biggest line on the board. The McBride and Hill Street Blues is the closest, 3.0.

Sal Scores 140.96, Steven Survives by 9.40